Everyone needs a certain amount of understanding before they can/will drop the rope. Your best friend’s telling you of W’s lies was helpful in that regard.
Yes, one’s spouse does rewrite their history, and even current events. “It was everything I could do to get him to help with S1”, stands in stark contradiction to her vacationing for five weeks.
No one is the villain in their own story. W will blame you, and will find (or simply make up) justifications for her choices and actions. Now, some of those will have merit, and some will not. For that which does, do the inner work and make permanent changes for the better. The rest, let go.
Originally Posted by Card29
I don't know if this is a phase/crisis as she deals with worsening MS? Maybe she wants to live every other week free of responsibilities so she can do whatever she wants, whenever she wants while she’s still physically able to do so?
The root cause of her path is likely a hodgepodge of many emotions and conflicting thoughts. Give time and space. She needs plenty of both to explore “her” why of it all.
There is basically nothing one can do to speed that process up. Any intervention by you, will be at best neutral. More often than not such intervention will delay her progress, or at worse will completely stall her out.
Keep hitting the gym. Keep moving forward.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
