It's taken me a very long time to come to the realization that it's a blessing I'm no longer married to my exh, and no longer have to live with his demons. It's taken even longer to be able to admit that, openly. In many ways my life is a lot harder now but it's also a lot more peaceful. I wish the same ongoing peace and discovery for you and everyone else who finds themselves here.
Thank you bttrfly. I'm happy for you to finally reach that stage and I wish you a blessed, peaceful and fullfilling future.
Originally Posted by sjohns6
Hello! I am not sure if we have chatted before, but I have read your updates from time to time. Your situation sounds difficult to navigate, but you seem to be doing really well considering all that has happened. I wanted to echo what a few others have said. I do think it is important to take a step back while G goes through the things he is going through. DnJ pointed out all the reasons why some of what G is saying is good. It shows growth and movement. And the fact that he said that he is lucky to have you in his life, that is good! But, he is still in it. He hasn't completed his journey through the tunnel. If you remain hyper focused on analyzing where he is at in his journey, it is only going to negatively impact you. I think a good thing to remember is that YOU have remained the responsible partner in your marriage this entire time. YOU have worried about how you treat him this entire time. You have stayed the loyal wife and mother this entire time. He has not done these things for you. YOU are the prize! YOU are the one that deserves someone showing you by way of words and actions that the love and strength you have shown are worth fighting for. If it is anything less than that, it is less than you deserve. G may come around and be capable of that at some point, but he is focused on himself right now, and I challenge you to do the same. You are worth it! And when you feel better about yourself, it helps you in caring for the children. They need at least 1 sane adult to be their parent, and you can do that easier if you are focused on them and yourself. If G comes around at some point and wants to be an active member of the family again and fix things between you, then you can cross that bridge when he stumbles over to it.
Dear sjohn,
So nice to meet you. We indeed haven't chatted before so thank you for sharing the above because I know you are spot on. It is only, when you are caught in the middle, that it is sometimes hard to navigate through it. EXH is very depended, but then he struggles again and pushes me away. It doesn't take long to get over it, but still, each time it takes me some days whereby I feel angry and sad.
Short recap of the past days.
As I already mentioned in my previous thread EXH is distancing himself again and I caught him lying about a trip he did to the other country to see OW2 and child. I confronted him and he admitted that he stayed over at her place, claims to not be in R with her (slept in the spare room), but seen the past I know better. So after more than one year of reconnection we are back to zero. He also invited her for 10 days in his home next week so she will be in my and our childrens area and he didn't even tell them yet she is coming over. Also, only a handfull of people know he has another child and there she will be, with the possibily of walking into relatives, friends etc. that don't have a clue.
So I made it clear to him that I can't be his friend anymore in these circumstances. I was also very clear to him that he can't simply play with the people that love him the most, are always there for him, and then throw them away again like dirt. His answer was that he is well aware of the poison he is to the people he loves the most and that this is not a fun thought and that he is sorry for that. I couldn't help but saying that he is the only one with the power to change his behavior, and if he would want to do something about it he could definitely to that.
The main reason for his behavior is the little child. This is a new love in his life whereby he doesn't have a past with, can not judge him since too little, and for him this is an escape again, his running behavior has found a new purpose. OW2 doesn't have any money so he uses her (and she uses him) to allow this child to be more in his life.
His Father is very afraid to where this will lead again and I can't blame him, since there is a small innocent child involved and the concequences can lead to very difficult situations.
I on the other hand let go, I can't be in the middle of this, I have to protect myself and our children.
