H EW possibly DBing and I’m losing the battle

[KangaB]

I really, really need help!!!! Just reading back through my last posts and what a load of crap I wrote. I’ve decided I’m in a very bleak situation. I really need advice.

The latest is… for a few months, I thought my H was back in the marriage after doing some 180 stuff and a lot of the things I tried worked. A fortnight ago, H and I had to go to a party held by my SS and XW was there as well as other Skids and SIL and her H. It was extremely awkward because H couldn’t stop wanting to be around XW. He was attentive to me but his body language was always turned to her. He made excuses to sit at her table and wouldn’t even finish eating lunch with me. SIL who claims she has never liked XW sat with XW most of the day with her H. At one point all four of them were sitting together. I tried not to react but I walked out of the party (what I thought was discreetly) with H following me. I cried and said it was hurtful watching them all interact as old friends particularly when SIL said she didn’t like XW. I was just so sad. H even wanted me to stand next to him at one point so XW wouldn’t interact with him in front of me. So very confusing. It turns out he wanted me to stand beside him because he was scared XW would reveal conversations they had been having. SIL spent 10 mins with me and that was it. She had been very quiet the week running up and brushed me off in a phone call prior to the event.

Prior to the event, I asked H if he would be by my side to make a statement that we were united. He did sometimes and the rest of the time sat at table with XW and SD, SIL and H. After the event all was quiet at home and we snuggled on the couch. I didn’t bring anything up and refused to talk when H wanted to. The next day, H tried to pick a fight with me and I tried very hard not to react. He then asked me to leave and go home. We are LATS. I didn’t say or do anything to provoke it. I went home and then he called to say SIL thought I was pathetic because I was upset that no one talked to me. Anyhow… H and XW were just so familiar with each other. More than ever. I was pleasant to XW, asked a few questions and she was receptive. I thought I did okay considering what I was up against.

The next day after I went home, I decided to call XW to somehow connect. I don’t know what came over me but I’m glad I did. XW very innocently told me how wonderful H has been with her in the last few months with certain things relating to SS and how they talk all the time—not everyday but maybe twice a week. I was gobsmacked because I asked H if they spoke to each other a few times and he said no. I told her that H didn’t ever tell me that they spoke and she was seemingly surprised (maybe a little smug). She told me that she relies on him for support with the kids and I asked her if she had a man would she rely on H as much as she did and she said no. I started crying and told her I felt like a third wheel in my marriage and that her and H are treating each other like they are still married and it is affair like. She said they are not getting physical and I explained to her that there are all types of affairs and she realised that there are. She then told me that she doesn’t rely on H as much as she did before him and I got together. They were separated for about 5 years before we met. He then told me that she misses the company at the end of the day. I cried like a baby in front of her and she was quite empathetic and told me that she was way over him and that she didn’t want to go back there. We talked about being friends and got off the phone having a bit of respect for each other and genuine fondness. I did see a side of her which was very soft and caring and maybe she understood what it was like for me. She said that she would include me in some parenting with H and her. I then realised that H had picked the fight and told me to go home the next day after SS’s party because XW told me he had called and they talked and talked about SS’s party.

I am so angry with H. We then had another Family function a week later, No XW but SIL and her H. They were both frosty towards me. Step MIL was awful to me. My Dad went to hospital that week and they really didn’t care too much about what had happened. H was relatively loving toward me and so were the Skids, until SD was alone with H and I and then he started triangulating and started becoming cold towards me. I had to go early the next morning and we said our goodbyes as H stayed in bed. It was very early. In the meantime, he has picked more fights. He lied to me this weekend gone about something that I knew he called XW about. I know he has been talking to XW. H and SIL are bad mouthing me. SIL is gossiping to Step MIL. The only good news is that the Skids have all been very loving towards me. XW… I feel like I believe what she is saying. I know I talked dribble in my posts. I just want it to be all well. I feel like my H and SIL are ganging up on me aside from H absolutely lying to me about his contact with XW. I have laid very low since and gone grey with H. If anyone is out there. Please reply. Kanga