Way Less Lost!! Pt 4

[Pattnee5]

Had a great weekend, had a close friend over lots of laughs and chats. Her XH ( from 3 yrs ago) is crawling back on her doorstep telling her how much he regrets destroying his family. Sounds like such a script. Was Father’s Day, helped kids organise a gift for H which he loved. I have been making myself scarce around him, not really initiating any conversation. I just feel no desire anymore to fight for someone who doesn’t love me( or at least says it). I feel so indifferent. So “meh” about H whenever I see him. He wanted to spend the day with the kids so I went out and did stuff which was great ( weather was fantastic). Came home and took kids to dinner. H had ended up doing nothing but gaming and said kids didn’t want to do anything . When I returned home from dinner I invited my family in and he was still in the house gaming ( and drinking by this point). That’s a lot of gaming close to a good portion of the whole day. Had been drinking so got up abrupt when we arrived and left being extremely rude to my family( who mind you are housing him out the back of their property). As on cue as always, today full of shame and guilt and red faced apologising to everyone.I accepted the apology but that’s it. Didn’t offer advice or comfort or nothing like normal. It’s bad to say but I feel like I just don’t care anymore I don’t care about H spiral. I feel I am getting so much stronger so much happier and he is getting worse. It’s like the flip of BD when I was spiralling and he was on cloud 9.

Def helped my decision now though, that and D14 telling me she hates this and hates him coming and going in “our house”. D14 isn’t happy with him. It certainly is my courage now. I am ready to do this and rip that Band-Aid off.


I’m planning to sit with H next week. He doesn’t know yet. I’m away later this week for a few days with the kids to get some Sun and have some fun so I don’t want to do it before. It’s time to legalise the separation, financially separate stuff and likely sell the house.(explored all options regarding the house and it’s the only way really to be financially independent I can’t buy him out and vice versa, plus if he pays for portions and I live here anything I do he will hold me at financial hostage ) I just feel so stuck and trapped like this and the fact H still sees it as “his house” and “his money” and makes snarky comments I don’t feel I can do anything or move forward.
So question, do I warn him I want to finalise stuff next week?give him a few days to think about his side(get more of his advice or whatnot) Or just tell him a few days before the meet up.
I’m ready to move forward with my life now. I look at H and feel sad for his spiral but I am done being hurt, it’s been a rough 8-9 months, H has shown no desire or action to work on himself or the marriage so it’s time I walk away. I think where I started and where I am now I just can’t believe it. I thought I would never get through the day.
I guess I am up to the acceptance part. Or the part where I can see what’s better now for me and the kids. What I want moving forward after a very challenging year. The only I way I can see right now me moving forward is to cut all financial ties and not have him coming and going etc and have set schedules. Actually be a normal separation instead of me just idly sitting by and appeasing him hoping he wakes up. It ain’t happening anytime soon, if ever. There’s a lot of bridges to rebuild first and I am not waiting around anymore.
So do I pre warn him about the discussion? I know I hated being blindsided.it’s time now he finally lives his concequences of his actions instead of just coasting comfortably.

Gosh I just want to say i never thought I would be here. I feel at peace, I feel grounded, my heart feels like it’s healing. I actually feel happy🙃. I can’t even remember when I last cried now. My kids make me so happy. I make me happy. I have so so much love to give, and I def deserve to be with someone who replicates my values.


Anyway would appreciate some advice from the vets and a bit of guidance.