The later half of a crisis is about reconnecting. The MLCer reconnecting with themselves and their pets, friends, family, spouse. Like before, the LBS cannot speed this up. We must dig for patience.
However, one can exert some influence. And should, in the form of boundaries. At this point the LBS has, or should have, done a pile of inner work and well knows what they will and will not tolerate. Remember, people will treat you as you let them. As our spouse or ex-spouse is reconnecting, or wanting to, we show them how we are to be treated.
Regarding your belongs. Don’t play XH’s game.
You and he were divorced in November last year. There would be a legal agreement and requirement of splitting up and returning belongs, assets, and such.
If XH actually did sell some and threw the rest of your property away, well that would be very telling of his unwillingness to step up to his accountability for his path. I’m leaning towards how you see it, as a childlike threat from XH. You won’t play how he wants you to, and he made up a story.
Anyhow, your belongs. And one especially nonnegotiable item. If you are serious about getting them, then get them back. Speak with your lawyer and see what options are available to you. Your lawyer could write a letter to XH demanding the return of said property, and include the very real repercussions for noncompliance. I’d suggest you not pick the stuff up, have your lawyer state where to return the belongs to, a different address than your home address. The local police station would be a good one, in my opinion. If a letter doesn’t work, then police action to retrieve your property.
Yes, with the return of your stuff, the last of the physical ties to you, and hold over you, will evaporate for XH. That’s divorce. Let him feel his life choices. You are not his doormat or buffer.
With empathy and compassion, let go. Give XH to God, or the universe, or fate, or whatever you believe in. You can lovingly hold XH accountable for his actions and words. This is not mean spirited or vengeful, rather allowing and respecting XH’s choices. You allow him agency of his free will. When you and he interact, and when necessary, hold him accountable and enforce boundaries on disrespectful behaviours. He has to willingly walk out of the darkness.
Hope that helps.
Have a great Saturday.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
