Thank you for the thread link, D! And, you are not married to me, yet you still took some time to look it up! Why would she not have enough interest to look it up? We all have so many details in our stories that it's almost impossible to include EVERYTHING, but I'll add another snippet. When W sent me the email I quoted above, she sent it towards the end of the week. I happened to have my children that week. That means that she had told the children about her new engagement to OM the week prior, and they had been with me all week biting their tongues about it. What a terrible situation to put your kids through! After I found out, I immediately let my kids know that I knew. The first thing my son said was that he had asked about our marriage, and she told him that we were only common law married and didn't think we needed a divorce. He told me that he didn't think that sounded right so he looked it up and it wasn't right. So there you have it...the teenager (he is wise beyond his years, but still) thought about it for 2 minutes and thought it didn't sound right and looked it up to prove it false. Why wouldn't she have done the same thing?
Gerda!! It is so nice to see your name across my screen. Thank you for all you said about the girlfriend thing. It has been eating at me. It is nice to hear a bit of cheerleading in my corner regarding making the decision to heal, because it has not been an easy decision. She loves intensely and she provides a massive ego/self esteem boost in the way that she loves and admires. It is hard to let something like that go when feeling good about yourself in this situation is so hard to come by. Yes, the girlfriend situation was and has been hard. I dated too soon for sure, but I met someone I really liked and I thought I could make it work. Sometimes its hard to see things clearly from so close. I am still tying to figure that out as her and I are still in contact a little, but I feel stronger than ever and I recognize that being single right now is the best thing for me. I can feel the truth in that, so I am sticking to it.
I think you are right, W probably won't marry OM. Or, she may marry him, but I don't think her happiness lies with him. It will fizzle out. They will move in (or, they did that several weeks ago), get settled in to routine, and then get on with regular every day life. And then, her MLC stuff will begin creeping back in. And then, little by little I think she will slip back in to it. I think she must have settled a little bit of her depression, but I don't think she resolved any underlining issues. D mentioned above that he didn't remember hearing that she had any post MLC depression after exiting the tunnel. And as far as I can see, that is correct...she hasn't. It seems as though she just happily moved on. I'm not buying it, but I'm not sure it really matters anymore.
I am at a point where I am not sure reconciliation is really a possibility anymore. I have changed to the degree that I feel like I want more than even the old version of W is capable of. I want to be chosen, I want to be loved, and I want that love to be evident...I don't want to guess about it. I want to feel confident and trusting in my partner. I want my partner to care about how I feel and what I am interested in. I want to treat my partner the same. But, I do not see that in W. My door may still be open by a crack, but I think I am close to closing the door and turning the lighthouse light off. I never wanted that for us, but I did not make the decision for us to split. But I can make the decision to move on with my life and surround myself with people I care about and who care about me.
But I have a question. After reading what I have posted in my updates this week, do you think I should go ahead and file for divorce? I have been considering that I do indeed need to go ahead and file. If for no other reason then to protect myself from the decisions she is making. In the past I have considered this her decision and have been letting her take all the steps leading to and through our split. I have not had a hand in it. But, she is engaged to another man and I am not sure she is even planning to file, so I have been thinking that I should. She has more to lose than me, but its kind of the law that we get divorced before she can marry.
As always, thank you my LBS family for being here to support each other.
