Thank you!!, sjohns6, for posting this. There is so much wisdom in your words, just like DnJ's, you guys are pillars, teachers. So thankful for you speaking truth even when it is hard to hear.

I am moving along slowly, I wish I'd have the time to read more, post more but I'm always so darn busy making this family run. H is not doing much to help with that anymore. He's living the life right now, spending money on himself for the most part.
I asked him if he could please make the September mortgage payment since he's now back to work, and like I mentioned, makes twice what I make. He got upset, told me he would give me half!
Now this is the same man who told me over and over that he did not want his wife to ever have to work!
I'm already in over my head with everything. This is NOT the man I married and spent 26+ years of my life with. I've been paying all of our bills for over a year now because he's had surgery, I'm in debt. I thought things would get better now that he's back to work but who am I kidding?!

My daughter and I have been talking, between her and I we can make the house/family run should he decide to bail out completely. Unfortunately, that is something I have to prepare for.

The other night someone came to pick him up and he did not come home until the next morning. He was still drunk and did not go to work, slept all day. I did not get any explanation from him other than he got wasted with a coworker and crashed at his house, and him rolling his eyes saying "No, I do not have a girlfriend!"
I did not get any sleep that night, had to go to work at 4.30 in the morning. He never picked up his phone or texted back when all I wanted him to do is tell us that he was okay. Nobody had any idea that he had even left but he couldn't drive his car because he had been drinking. I mean, how inconsiderate can someone be to worry your family like that. I guess he really meant it when he said "Now it's time for ME!"

Honestly, I would encourage him to leave if he is really that unhappy here, and he knows it because I've told him he's free to go, free to get a divorce. I am not holding him back and I wouldn't make any demands for anything. That's not who I am. My take is, if you don't want to be here then go somewhere where you do want to be. Simple as that.
I would miss him, and I do still love him dearly but this version of him is not the version I would want to be with anyway.

Keep going everyone, time is on our side, it really does heal all wounds, as they say. If nothing else, we will find ourselves through all of this. Thank you MLC, for (brutally) teaching us self worth.