I recall a poster had their spouse swear things were over with their AP, and all they had really done was get a second phone and take the affair deeper underground. To be clear, I’m not saying or suggesting that is the case here. Just ensure you more base upon her actions more than her words. Rebuilding trust will take time and consistent demonstrated behaviour.
Do go slow, and keep moving forward. I’m glad to see you are not entertaining sweeping this under the rug. Open healthy dialog is really the best way. Dig for patience, answers you are likely wanting, she many not even yet know.
Originally Posted by PeterPan
We had a discussion about the reasons or in other words what led her to fall for OM. What she was missing in our M etc..It is not an excuse for her cheating, she knows that but we must identify was she was lacking so we can work on that and never ever experience the same situation.
True, you and her need to identify the source(s) of marital strife and work on them. However, W needs to figure out why she cheated, and fix that. That is not a “we” fix thing, that’s a “her” fix thing. Don’t get too lost in the role of fixing her, you can’t, because you didn’t break her.
You are going to need to somewhat lead, be supportive, yet not actually fix things for her. Takes a bit of finesse. By all means get your side of the street in order though. Learning to forgive and live with the scars for example.
Have a great day.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
