Way Less Lost!! Pt 4

[Pattnee5]

So a bit going on in my world but just wanted to come back on for a quick debrief and update on the Pattnee Show which has right now is a pretty steady ship, while H seems to be spiralling somewhat.

Recovered after a weekend virus so back into the gym the last few days. My work days are long, 7:30am start and finish around 6pm. So for me the only time I can squeeze in the gym into my day is before work. Yep better believe that alarm is set at 4:40am for a 5am workout🫤. Do I enjoy that time? Heck no. But sometimes we have to make sacrifices, and after work is always horrible( tired) busy with the kids etc. So anyone on here making excuses for the gym, DONT. There’s always time no matter how much you prefer sleep 😂.

So anyway back to my short story week. H seems to be spiralling a bit and guess what I no longer am making it my problem and have enjoyed taking a massive step away from him and his dramas.I feel like I just don’t care, even though I really feel for him, I just don’t care enough to want to step in and even make it my problem. He sent a text the other day a few hours before I got home from work to warn me he had a bad day and will try not to be snarky. I thought it was odd to actually be warned for once. Anyway he disappeared relatively quickly which was nice ( although he wasn’t snappy at all) and made a comment about really needing a beer. I just ignored it this time. Stress+bad day = beer to cope( or vodka even).

The next few nights he had a few snappy episodes at the kids in the afternoons while picking them up. Both came home in such a foul mood almost like they absorbed his negative vibe. D14 was in tears over something then confessed to H snapping at them and being all agro and how it really brings her mood down. Had a chat to both kids, changed the mood and vibe around them and watched a funny show together and both kids pepped up great. Next morning on my way out to work briefly mention to him that he had upset D14 with getting angry. H admitted his work was really stressing him out and he was really worked up so would apologise and talk to D14.

Gosh I am loving no longer being the punching bag but I am hating the kids copping his brunt. I am trying so hard to bite my tongue as I know H will lash out at me. I pick my times, mornings seem to be good. And very brief short conversations strictly kids ( zero R talks for a while now).then I leave for work.

Anyway fast forward to tonight ( 2 days after above outburst) D14 messaging me while I’m at work saying “dad is super agro again, yelling at me and S12 over nothing, and my friend is with us so I am so embarrassed”. So hard to be at work when this is unfolding. Let’s be honest they are teenagers and by no means little angels all the time so I know they would have been bickering over something but they are generally great when you tell them to calm down. I think alot of how you deal with kids is in the way you come across in the delivery. Ooze anger and stress they will absorb that negative horrible vibe, stay calm and positive and they tend to simmer pretty quickly. Anyway I send D a few messages and she said she was going to talk to H on her own once her friend wasn’t around. She confronted him, told him how bad it made her look and feel, told her she and S12 hate how he takes his anger out on them and why is it their fault for his bad work day, also told him he seriously kills their mood and drains them. She told him all week he has been snappy at them at school pickup and they don’t like it. Absolutely bursting with pride for D14 who has absolutely shown the maturity of an adult and called out H for poor form. She said she isn’t even scared to tell him how it is and “dad is just an idiot sometimes.” She said H was pretty quiet after that.

D14 did come to me just before bed and said she didn’t want me reconciling with H because H is not the same person we have known, and he just brings everyone’s mood down. Clever kid. She is my absolute strength and courage right now.

While all of this is going on in the background the last few days I want to say how awesome it’s been to not being around that anger/stress. I have steered a very wide berth during this week.D14 is an absolute little champ putting up her boundaries and calling it what it is to H face.

It still saddens me to see this absolute stranger of the man I once knew, spiral downhill. I no longer want to help him because it is seriously draining when you get dragged down in their drama and mood. It was exhausting mentally and physically.

I’m loving being so much more detached. I don’t think about H at all during the days, no longer worry at nights worry how he will cope with his current stresses. It’s on him now to do what he wants. I am doing me. I am loving doing me.

Next week D14 has a sports comp up north. Originally was the two of us but a few days ago decided to buy S12 a ticket and take him too ( will surprise him). He will love it, warm weather beaches pools and no school for a few days. I just kept thinking the alternative is H would have him, they would do the same usual routine and then H would drown his stressful week in gaming. Stuff it, he can do that on his own S12 will have a much better time with us and create some great little memories.

So yeah even though Pattnee world is still chaotic at times I feel like all that chaos and noise is just happening elsewhere and nowhere near me anymore, it’s just background noise. I am just on my calm little steady ship me and the kids and sailing out of that $h*tstorm I wasted 2023 stuck in.