I'm wearing the new cologne. Planning to try to find a new shirt or two today. Unfortunately, I see W for maybe 30 seconds every 2-3 days. I'm spending a ton of time with my best friend, but he goes back to his city (15 hr drive away) on Monday. I am so damn lonely, no real close friends now except for him and a cousin on the other side of the country. W was my best friend, and I guess I shouldn't have put all of my eggs in one basket.
Grief support group starts tonight.
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
I do take some comfort in the fact that I was in the same spot during D#1. I came out of it great, but I can't see the path yet. I don't know where the friends and relationships will come from.
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
Hi Card, I'm lucky in that I had a solid group of friends that weren't super close before but as soon as I reached out, they became very close. However, I've also joined a local community group that are putting on a Christmas pantomime. I hate acting, hate drawing attention to myself but it definitely pushes me out of my comfort zone and I've made a whole new group of friends. It's definitely worth looking at what is going on local to you.
Thanks for the support. I need to keep getting out there. I’ll respond more later.
W texted and is assuming she will get all of S1’s furniture because “her parents bought it”. I responded “it’s your choice to do all of this. It’s unfair to stick me with hundreds of furniture purchases”
I offered a compromise, she said “no my parents bought that”
I said let’s talk later
??
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
"My apt move in date is Sept 17. I am meeting with a lawyer this week. I think the divorce will be filed uncontested, hopefully you agree. If you think otherwise, you're going to have to find separate counsel. Please let me know."
Methinks her definition of uncontested and amicable is different than your’s.
Gifts, household items, whatever, previously purchased do not get take backs. Sheesh. S1’s clothes are his, and strictly speaking would be subject to likely splitting according to whatever custody schedule is agreed to or imposed.
My W started down this path of shopping in the house, taking stuff as she saw fit. For the first few days I was hurt and just played along being nice. Advice I received was to not let things leave the house before any settlement, as the 50/50 split will be on whatever is left over. I also did not like W using the house and contents as her shopping mart. If that continued, how would I know what I’d have, with each day things just disappearing.
Anyhow, I said no. You cannot use the home as a store, especially without paying.
And she stopped. I’m sure she didn’t like it. Oh well.
Less ambiguous can help. Don’t let stuff just leave. And if she does take things, write it down! In front of her even. Documentation is important, and just seeing such evidence gathering can sometimes stop someone.
By the way, take a video walk around the house. Record everything. Open drawers, closets, cupboards, etc. You never know, weeks from now you see a bear spot on a wall, or cupboard, and wonder what’s going on. Pull up the video of that room, and see a family photo is missing, or the deep fryer is gone.
If you haven’t yet retained a L, do so. And add this gift taking back to the list of questions you have written down to ask their legal opinion on.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
