In my adult life I've been single for around 15 years, and married for 15 years. Despite having a lot of fun being single, I greatly preferred being married. It obviously sucked at times, but it was probably the best 15 years of my life (getting a career, having a kid, buying a home, etc).
It's interesting that all the things that made it the best years of your life had absolutely nothing to do with being married.
Originally Posted by Terapin
But, since I"m too old to have/want anymore kids, I can't think of even one logical reason to ever marry again. The risk is not worth the reward. Betting 50% of everything you have on someone never cheating on you, getting 'bored', becoming 'unhappy', etc is not a wise choice.
Two words Prenuptial agreement.
Originally Posted by Terapin
Yes, I'm bitter. lol.
It's interesting that you are leaving a loveless and sexless marriage to an alcoholic crappy mom with no child support, alimony and 50/50 custody yet you're bitter. Ask yourself why?
In my adult life I've been single for around 15 years, and married for 15 years. Despite having a lot of fun being single, I greatly preferred being married. It obviously sucked at times, but it was probably the best 15 years of my life (getting a career, having a kid, buying a home, etc).
It's interesting that all the things that made it the best years of your life had absolutely nothing to do with being married.
Originally Posted by Terapin
But, since I"m too old to have/want anymore kids, I can't think of even one logical reason to ever marry again. The risk is not worth the reward. Betting 50% of everything you have on someone never cheating on you, getting 'bored', becoming 'unhappy', etc is not a wise choice.
Two words Prenuptial agreement.
Originally Posted by Terapin
Yes, I'm bitter. lol.
It's interesting that you are leaving a loveless and sexless marriage to an alcoholic crappy mom with no child support, alimony and 50/50 custody yet you're bitter. Ask yourself why?
Without my W, I wouldn't have been motivated to advance my career, I wouldn't have been able to buy a beautiful home by myself, and I wouldn't have had my son.
Pre nups are routinely tossed out of court nowadays.
Because I'm going from seeing my son literally every day of his life to essentially 6 months a year. I'm watching my son have his entire world upended. I'm going from a $330,000 home to an apartment or dump (after likely moving back with my parents for a while). I'm losing half of the possessions we've acquired the last 15 years. And I"m losing the person I've spent 20 years with, only to start over again in every aspect of life at age 50. Why? Because she's 'unhappy' and wants to see what's behind 'door #3'.
Yes, I'm bitter
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
Because I'm going from seeing my son literally every day of his life to essentially 6 months a year.
When it comes to children it is definitely quality not quantity
Originally Posted by Terapin
I'm watching my son have his entire world upended.
What if I tell you he will be happier living with two happy separated parents?
Originally Posted by Terapin
I'm going from a $330,000 home to an apartment or dump (after likely moving back with my parents for a while).
I don't understand how you went from being to live like a king to moving in with your parents when you pay no alimony or child support?
Originally Posted by Terapin
I'm losing half of the possessions we've acquired the last 15 years.
You acquire more possessions the next 15 years of your life.
Originally Posted by Terapin
And I"m losing the person I've spent 20 years with, only to start over again in every aspect of life at age 50.
You don't have to lose her if you choose not to. Sounds like she is willing to be friends.
Originally Posted by Terapin
Why? Because she's 'unhappy' and wants to see what's behind 'door #3'.
Are you sure that is all that is to it? Why do you think she is unhappy?
Originally Posted by Terapin
Yes, I'm bitter
Be better not bitter. This to shall pass. Up to you how long it takes.
My only child, I prefer quality and quantity. I now only get the option for one.
My W says the same thing; "you'll see, he'll be happier than ever once we're divorced!" When I asked her to show me one study or statistic that backs up that assertion she ghosts until the next conversation. Maybe you can provide one for me (obviously barring physical abuse, constant arguing, et)
Never said I live like a king, but 2 salaries are typically able to afford more house/items than one. Add in the 4% interest rate hike that'll I'll be facing on a new mortgage, and it's a significant downgrade. Perhaps I'll get lucky and be able to find a nice house in the few weeks it takes our house to sell, avoiding moving back in w/ parents, a hotel, etc.
True on possessions. Honestly I've never been concerned about 'stuff'. And honestly, I should have more money to spend on me than I ever did while married.
I have no interest in being friends with someone that made a decision like this on her own, with little regard to me, our child, our families, etc.
I have no idea if her unhappiness is the only reason. I'll probably never know the whole truth, and that's ok.
Totally agree with that, but it's going to take time.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
My only child, I prefer quality and quantity. I now only get the option for one.
Correct so make it count. Get all your mundane stuff done when he is with mom and have serious quality time together when you have him.
Originally Posted by Terapin
My W says the same thing; "you'll see, he'll be happier than ever once we're divorced!" When I asked her to show me one study or statistic that backs up that assertion she ghosts until the next conversation. Maybe you can provide one for me (obviously barring physical abuse, constant arguing, et)
I can't say he will be happier when your divorced. What I can say is that if he has two happy parents that love and adore him that will be enough and a lot more than most children have.
Originally Posted by Terapin
Never said I live like a king, but 2 salaries are typically able to afford more house/items than one. Add in the 4% interest rate hike that'll I'll be facing on a new mortgage, and it's a significant downgrade. Perhaps I'll get lucky and be able to find a nice house in the few weeks it takes our house to sell, avoiding moving back in w/ parents, a hotel, etc.
I was just talking to my friend the other weekend. He hasn't had sex with his wife in 6 years and there is no love loss between the two of them. He doesn't want to give up his current home and retirement so he is staying because he says she doesn't deserve half of his stuff. He is going to cut off his nose to spite his face. That life sounds horrible to me.
Originally Posted by Terapin
I have no interest in being friends with someone that made a decision like this on her own, with little regard to me, our child, our families, etc.
This will likely change at some point down the road.
Originally Posted by Terapin
I have no idea if her unhappiness is the only reason. I'll probably never know the whole truth, and that's ok.
You are never going to receive an answer that will be acceptable to you because you don't want this to happen.
Originally Posted by Terapin
Totally agree with that, but it's going to take time.
There is no timeline on these things. For some it comes quick and for others they can never move forward.
W met w/ her L yesterday apparently, and sent me a 'to do' list to get the house ready to sell. Also sent her unofficial reply to the asset division list I gave her a few weeks ago.
Son had a football game last night. I took him, and sat with my parents. She came later, and for the first time in 7 years, sat separately from us. No biggie, but it was weird. Guess that's how it's going to be from now on.
It's funny, our son has probably had 100 wrestling tournaments, 30 football games, 15 basketball games, and 10 soccer games over the years. My parents have come to 90% of them. Her parents have never been to a single one.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
Had a real estate agent come over last night. House will be going on the market within 2 weeks. I can't even begin to express how much resentment I have for my stbx right now. I've been doing well with things, but every 'event' (paperwork from lawyer, throwing out/packing possessions, etc) brings those negative, angry feelings back up.
She took down our sons trampoline over the weekend. My parents bought it for him 7 years ago. The look in his eyes when he saw it dismantled, sitting out for the garbage, almost made me cry.
I can't seem to find any suitable/affordable houses, so no idea what I'll do. Kinda wish I had the money to buy her out.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
Have you explored buying her out? Maybe with your family?
It's not really possible.
They say 'timing is everything'. Well, my W has the worst timing at everything in all aspects of her life. I'm going crazy trying to figure all this stuff out. I'll be in a slightly better financial situation than her moving forward, so I have no idea what she has planned.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
