Do you think she will hear you? Or will she just pull further away?
W’s out of house, looking for an apartment, and is strongly suggesting that she will proceed with a divorce. Time for you to let go big time.
W has lots of anger and justification for what and why she is doing what she is. Anything you do or say counter to her current direction, not matter how real or true it is, will just propel her away faster. She needs to feel the loss of you and the relationship.
Feelings are fleeting, unless reinforced, and that is true for the leaving spouse as well. Our spouses do reinforce their emotional decisions with their new shinny fun lives and running from whatever it is they are running from. When the LBS stops begging, pleading, or even interacting much - you know the focusing on you - their spouse has less reinforcement and feelings of justifications. In time, other feelings can then find purchase and rise to the surface. Feelings like loss, sadness, shame, regret, boredom, that old love, etc. Feelings that are much more helpful to your cause.
Give W time and space. Lots of it. No R talks, no pressure. Don’t get drawn in to any arguments. Don’t take her bait. Let her feel how a divorce feels. Maybe she figures it out, maybe she doesn’t. However, pleading or rationalizing or explaining won’t turn her around. She need to find that, from within.
Focus on you. Become the best version of yourself. A man only a fool would leave.
Hang in there buddy.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
