Thank you Kind, DnJ & Pattnee. I really thought I'd messed up my DB'ing progress so it's good to know there's lessons to be learned but not all bad. As ever, time has passed since Saturday night & I'm feeling more settled. H left our house on Sunday morning promising he would leave me alone. I've blocked him from everywhere I could think but he managed to sneak in through an old group chat we had for me, him & D a long time ago. D opened it & told me so I've just left it unopened. He was just wishing us a happy holiday (as if nothing has happened). D has also had 2 voicemails from H to apologise for his behaviour and ask for her forgiveness. The latter was today, mid afternoon when he was clearly crying & sounded drunk.shes not replied.
Kind - I really do appreciate all your advice & reassurance. You know me well & you're right that some of it feels a bit harsh at this stage. However, I do get where you are coming from. Here's what I've done so far; blocked both him & OW on all social media & phone. I've kept all the voicemail to D apologising for his behaviour and wrote an account of what happened that night. If he does do anything else, I will seek advice about an injunction & provide the evidence. We've also got patched up holes in plasterboard in the house from when he did live with us and would get frustrated at football after drinking & punch the wall. I also wondered about phoning safeguarding about his treatment of D and seeking advice from them. They would need to record this as a log of an event. I'm a Psychotherapist myself so I've been keen for D to access therapy since the beginning but she hasn't wanted to. She spoke to me today about the mixed feelings she has about her dad. She hates how he treats her & doesn't want anything to do with him but also mourns her dad and wants to have that father figure back in her life then everytime she let's him in, he let's her down again. It's a real vicious cycle. I tried to get her to consider therapy to just talk through some of this stuff but she absolutely refuses saying she prefers to talk to me, which I don't think is the best for either of us. All I can do is keep bringing it up & offering her the option.
DnJ - Thank you for sharing some of your experiences with your ex. It's just so hard to get my head around how he behaves. Thankfully, I'm detached again now & can observe it for what it is. More craziness that is impossible to understand or analyse so no point giving it the time of day and reinforcing it. I love the idea of D putting her own boundaries in. You've mentioned this previously & I did speak to D about it but everything settled again & she didn't put it into practice. I also like the idea of thinking about different dad scenarios and running through what we should do. I learn from each new encounter & adapt my behaviour accordingly. That's why this forum is so useful. It gives me a chance to check the new behaviours & how I respond.
Pattnee - thanks for the hugs. I know they are genuine and heartfelt. It's lovely to feel you have a little family of close strangers dotted anywhere & everywhere who have your back. Such an amazing community. I'm so very lucky I fell upon it very early on. I believe the universe was watching out for me!
