I thought the app was saying I needed to sign up to use it. I may have been wrong, or maybe it's a different model in the US. I went ahead and canceled so I don't get charged this weekend. We'll see how it acts then. I do think they have helped ease some anxiety in the morning. And that's my #1 issue - anxiety and dread in the morning. It also comes around throughout the day, especially on Saturday. I think it was worse this weekend because of being in the house alone with the kids. Seeing the wedding/pregnancy pictures around, and lots of other emotions. So I need to keep making plans so I don't sit at home all weekend. I had a busy Saturday, but yesterday I didn't go anywhere.
W was diagnosed with MS 7 years ago. After processing the initial news, she found lots of great resources. An excellent, caring neuro team. A couple of organizations for people with MS. One of them puts on events, especially cycling events, around the country. They bought her $2,000+ of gear, and she/we trained for 50-100 mile bike rides. She raised tens of thousands of dollars. She was attacking MS. She was excited for promising new drugs. But she has cycled through most of the available drugs without the effectiveness she had hoped. She's on her last real hopeful medication. She doesn't post her "MS fighter" social media content like she used to. She never rides her bike. I will say, she is training for an MS backpacking event in October, so she hasn't just given up. But her outlook on her situation has been much gloomier the last 1-2 years. There's no doubt that MS has been a root issue.
I don't get the impression she blames S1, but who knows. She has withdrawn from some motherly duties over the last year. She still did a ton for him, but it was more of the tasks that needed to be done (cooking, laundry, cleaning) rather than the parenting (reading books, bathing, playing). I can go back to when she told me in July that she "didn't feel any emotional connection to anyone". That statement may have been overblown or dramatic in the moment, but she has been withdrawing from us for a while. She was an excellent stop mom and has essentially not had an R with D11 in over a year. Since last August, she has hardly talked to her, never planned anything with her. And obviously that's completely stopped now.
I'll stop there before I really take myself down the rabbit hole. Going to get back to work. Thank you for your thoughts, I'll check in again later.
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
