First of all, I would like to thank you all once again for the information shared here.
After reading the updates in the threads, and certainly from sjohns6, I can only confirm how similar the path of both the MCL'er and the LBS is, and this applies to all the people who are effectively experiencing it.
Bttrfly, you are right, I am not giving enough information about how I am doing, hence I will start with that first.
The life I am living today (and certainly for the past 1.5 years) has changed a lot with how I used to live. I have effectively learnt from putting myself 1st. However, I am still there for the people I like (including EXH), and maybe sometimes too much than necessary, this actually goes smoother one period than the other, but this is mainly because it is in my character and also partly because I have accepted who I am and don't want to change because of that.
The difference, however, is that I used to rarely go on outings with girlfriends, go to the beautician, book trips for myself, etc. Everything was about EXH and the kids, but this is in the past now.
I have start a course which is now almost complete and I should normally get my degree by the end of the year. I have been hunted for some companies who would like me to join them, on much better terms and in management positions (like I had pre-MLC) and am currently checking out what suits me best because I feel like really throwing myself into another responsible position, and last but not least, I am also venturing into dating land. I have met a man with whom I finally feel some electricity again. Something that hasn't happened to me so far in the last 20 years (outside of EXH)
However, I know very well what I want today. These words from sjohn6 actually describe what I feel too and what I already described in my former thread:
I guess I still love the old W, but she doesn't really exist anymore. Part of me thinks that I need to be done with those feelings before I can move on, but another part of me wonders if I will just always feel that way a little and that I need to learn to move on without that being something that goes away.
Also this part has been my belief for a very long time (and even still there a bit now):
Outwardly I tried really hard to move on, but there is a small piece of me that always thought that you would come back after some time.
However, I see EXH on a very regular basis and since then became close friends. Friends with more feelings than normal friends should perhaps have, but this is obviously due to our past. However, I have reflected for myself to the fact that a relationship is not possible with him today. That is precisely why I have accepted that I have to move on, this also in terms of allowing other men into my life and I am finally ready for that. I am not looking for a steady relationship right away yet, but I am looking for a certain connection with a man other than EXH. I also intend to be very honest about this with the men I date. If however in the future there would be an opportunity with EXH to have a new relationship, I think I would be open to that as well, but this is only possible when he becomes a person whereby there can be a future, and this is currently not the case, and will maybe never be the case anymore. So hence I want to move forward.
Hopefully this reflects my situation a bit.
Meanwhile, our children are also aware that they have a 'half-brother'.
EXH wanted to put it off again but I told him this was no longer possible and that he should tell them, that this no longer could be postponed as I did not want to lie to them anymore why he still went to that other country, even though he normally don't have a reason to be there.
He then finally did so, this at my house, as he wanted my support. The children responded incredibly well and maturely. The eldest had a little more difficulties but because the twins took it upon themselves to talk openly to their father about how they felt about it, he also managed to connect easily. I am so incredibly proud of them. EXH too was in tears and told them how grateful he is to have me in his life, that I am the most beautiful person he knows and that he is very, lucky that I was always there to give them such a good raising/upbringing. He has even admitted that he never believed in open communication, that a child should not know what is going on, but that he now sees the result of my persistence to do so.
However, this does not alter the fact that today he is still very much struggling with himself, in fact it has become worse again. This is precisely why there is some distance between us again. He's not always honest anymore and it looks like he's fallen back into his MLC. Drinking is also very much present again as well as certain statements he makes. The main reason, of course, is his child in another country and I think it's also the mother, to whom he still feels a great deal of guilt, which I assume is greater than the guilt he feels towards me and the children.
I also strongly follow Job's advice, I have taken a step back and am purely his friend. However, when I see that he dares to be dishonest or turns certain situations to his will I say that friends don't treat each other like that. He then shies away and adjusts his behaviour.
So, this should be about it. Became a longer post than I had in mind. LOL
I will be back very soon to reply to all other threads as well. Now working a bit again...
