Oh MA, you must be so over this. This is like an episode of the young and the restless.
Did you realise you were marrying a man-child?
I think you did okay. Much better than I or most others would have done in the circumstances. Here’s my advice (the last bit you’re probably not going to like):
- Your daughter needs therapy NOW. No child should have to deal with thinking that her Dad might have committed suicide. Your number one priority atm should be protecting her mental health. If you don’t, her current trauma won’t be dealt with and WILL lead to issues for her in the future. It’s your duty as her parent. What she’s going through is damaging and potentially life changing.
- You shouldn’t have taken daughter or yourself to where he normally parks or OW house. That really put her and you at risk. I understand it came from a place of concern. Best plan next time he’s not answering and daughter freaks out, call the police and ask them to do a welfare check on him. OW could have lashed out at you or daughter if she thought your ex was dumping her for you.
- Your husband is peaking. He is very unstable. He’s realised his mistake. But he’s keeping OW on the hook because he doesn’t want to be alone. Sort of vindicates your decision to not take him back, doesn’t it? When he came back begging, 90% of people at this site would have rolled over and taken him back. You stayed strong, and it looks like you dodged a HUGE bullet.
- I’m genuinely concerned for your safety. If husband realises he’s lost you and OW, and he’s drinking or heaven forbid starts getting into drugs, there’s a good chance he may commit some domestic violence.
- I believe you need to take a temporary protection order against him. I know you’ll try and justify why you shouldn’t, but you MUST protect yourself and daughter. Doesn’t mean he never sees you or daughter in the future - because if he gets his act together, I’m sure you’ll support their relationship. But right now, you don’t have any other option.
- Don’t interact with OW. Block her. All you’re doing is giving him a reason to blame you. Imagine you message her and tell her he wants back in, she ends up dumping him, he descends into depression or alcoholism and ends up in jail or self-harming. He will always blame YOU for that, even though it’s totally his fault. I guarantee he’s going to tell people that you were jealous and ruined his future with OW. Don’t play into his narrative. Block her on your phone/messenger/socials.
I’m really sorry it’s come to this MA, but I think it’s for the best. Imagine your best friend. She relays this exact story about her husband. What would recommend she do?
