I’m back :(

[Pattnee5]

Hi Card
You know early on someone told me “fake it to make it” and I remember just thinking to myself I just have to fake smile and fake be happy and hopefully it will come. At the time I felt rubbish too. Gosh some of the birthdays and functions I went to I struggled to fight back tears. But then at my friends bday I remember thinking “ nope I am not going to let H and issues ruin my night”. Because as you know your mind is fixated on the situation you’re clouded in misery because it’s all you’re thinking and wishing they were there with you beside you as a spouse. Anyway at that bday I ended up having such a fun night laughing and dancing. And I didn’t feel guilty for it. I didn’t let H ruin it for me from afar.
So as hard as these functions and GAL activities are in the beginning, keep pushing through. I remember feeling like I was being dragged to them unwillingly, wishing they would end, horrible company, not finding anything fun about them at all. But it’s only because I realised I was letting H and his issues fill my mind and absolutely ruin it for me. And he was ruining his own life sitting in his miserable hole going nowhere seeing nobody, and I was trying to go out and he was still indirectly ruining it for me by me dwelling on him on his issues on what was going on. That’s when I realised he can ruin his own life but I am not going down with him