I’m back :(

[Card29]

Kind, thank you for your words. I've been aware I've been posting frequently. I do agree that it's out of an effort to control the situation, as much as I'm trying to and know I need to let go. It's also just looking for an escape from the anxiety and physical pain. When I feel good, I don't feel the need to post everything thought and refresh the board every 15 minutes checking for a response.

Thanks for the confirmation on the ring. I wanted to wear it, and will continue to do so. But you're right, I'm sure she doesn't notice or care in the brief interactions we're having right now.

- You need to seek out some individual counselling. They will help you with anxiety, hyper-awareness, sleep issues. It’s not a sign of weakness, but you really would benefit from a bit of a reset. Simple things, like getting stuff off your chest, mindfulness, meditation, journaling, exercise, sleep - they’re all things that a therapist can help you with. Sometimes it’s available for free - in Australia you can get six free sessions through government health with a psychologist. Lots of employers have employee assistance programs (EAP) where you can get access to some counselling.

I have an EAP counseling session scheduled for Monday. Thankfully, I had scheduled it 3 weeks ago. I've also sent an inquiry about an upcoming grief counseling session (free). It's an 8-week session, once a week. If there are any spots available, it starts Aug 31. I'm still not 100% sure I want to do it. I've also inquired about a men's support group.

I know I need to drop the rope, I know I need to let go. Going with the flow like a leaf in the breeze is a good image. But of course it's hard right now. It hasn't even been a full week since BD yet. It took me months to fully detach in D#1, so I know this is a long haul.

I am working on GAL and focusing on me, the kids, and getting around some other guys. This afternoon and evening should be full of that. I had a great afternoon and evening with the kids yesterday and never even thought about what W was doing. I've realized that while I have issues I need to set boundaries for with my mom, I'm going to need her help, especially with S1. Until W brings up a shared schedule, I need to figure out how to get time to myself with other adults while S1 is here full time.

Attractiveness: I ordered Art of Seduction. I am keeping myself trimmed and shaved (no hair to go get styled), am wearing my aftershave (the old stuff, might have to try something new). I'm wearing some of my better clothes, but the wardrobe needs an upgrade. I'll work on that more this week while D11 is with XW.