I’m back :(

[Card29]

I need to quickly journal our counseling session from today. It was a full hour. She basically said she’s out of love, couldn’t stand the stress of our house, of chores, “cooking dinner every night”, of driving to the house next to my mom. Said it started about a year ago. My mom does seem to be a big part, but not all. Overall, it is her buried with stress which was likely a factor her not having love feelings for me now. How can someone who is stressed 24 hrs a day really love someone long term?

She said she didnt feel like she was a priority. She asked about counseling almost a year ago, I agreed but never scheduled. This happened repeatedly. And she’s right, and that hurts to think about. I would just keep forgetting. I’ve had a terrible time focusing on tasks at work, everywhere. Is she using it to validate her leaving? Maybe, but it still hurts to think about.

I know that love can be built back, but she’s at that point that she doesnt even want to think about trying. So it’s a non-starter atm. She says “she thinks she’s done”. I think in her mind today, D is the only answer.

The counselor was surprised to hear the news. We probably came off as in an okay place but with a nagging MIL 3 weeks ago. He encouraged her to take time to think of the pressure cooker we’re both in, that you can still love the person you always did if you can remove or alleviate the stresses. Some of what he said was definitely anti-DB if it was coming from me.

I tried to stick to validation her pains and stress. I said MIL invalidated her as a mom, step-mom and wife, and that [censored]. Living full of stress with someone that is merely a roommate [censored].

Counselor asked how I’ve been this week. I said I’ve been good, I have some good support. Some things came up in conversation with C that may have been anti-DB. Talked about what I was wrong about when we bought the house (that it would help melt the ice between W and mom, etc).

Counselor was pro-reconciliation and was kind of pushing that. More like gently encouraging, but I could tell W doesnt want to entertain it atm. He outlined what a planned separation could look like. W gets space for a while until she feels more normal away from the stresses she was feeling at our house. After a while, we could “date”, like grab lunch or a coffee. I dont think W is ready for that but she agreed she’d see where she is in a couple weeks. That may have just been to get out of the conversation, I dont know.

My impression of the entire session is she is overwhelmed with stress. She has never been great with stress. I hope for her sake and any chance of a future R that she really learns how to handle stress.

I told her I would continue giving her space, and that I’m not pushing for dates. Said we’re good at home.

I wasn’t expecting a miracle and didnt get it. I was still discouraged afterwards. It’s good to know more of what’s going on with her, but hurts to hear your W doesn’t love you, even if it’s obvious since she left. It’s me and the kids at home for the time being. She’s operating on temporary plans right now.