Hello! I know we haven't really chatted, but I remember your sitch from before! It's nice to read updates from you! I can absolutely relate to a lot of what you've been dealing with lately. Not the same exact things, but little things that feel like holdovers from the trauma of the split.
For you, music has been hard to revisit. That makes a lot of sense being that music is an artform for the expression of the soul. It's hard not to be affected in some way listening to another person's soul expression. My musical taste changed over the last few years. I have reached a point to where there are a few genres that I listened to right after BD that I can barely stand to hear now. For me it is audiobooks that I've struggled with. Before all of the MLC madness I would listen to 3 or 4 audiobooks a month. I loved it. In the car, doing yardwork, riding my bike, doing chores...I always had a book on. Once MLC was in full swing, I could not listen to books anymore. I tried, but I just couldn't. For me it was my wandering mind. I could not focus on listening to a book. I would put it on and then my thoughts would turn back to figuring everything out. I would hear none of the book at all. If I am to be honest, I have still had difficulty getting back to that. It's on my list of things to work on.
Congrats to you on joining the autobahn society! I like birds too! I am not a bird watcher, per se...but I do like them. My house is surrounded my many trees. The last couple of years I have had a family of blue herons nest in them. It is such a neat thing to see. They are like little feathered dinosaurs! They have begun to get comfortable being around me. I have seen videos on social media of animals responding very positively to music, so I have begun singing to them when we are around. The first time I did it, the heron turned his head sideways and looked at me quizzically. It was a fun experience!
Have you ever gone kayaking? I have a couple of them and love taking them out. It uses more upper body so I thought maybe since it wasn't leg and back intensive that maybe it would be something you enjoy? There is a nature center near me that I like to take them too. I've seen lots of wildlife while out and it is always an amazing experience.
I hope you are doing well today. I'm sorry to hear you've had some fear around the what-if's lately, but it sounds like you are getting off to a great start from the excellent advice that everyone has given! You've got this!!
