I’m back :(

[Card29]

Hi Ready, I remember you from the first time. Thank you for joining my thread. I see some of the other people that were here (uRworthy, Wonka, others) don't post much anymore, and that's okay. It's great to see some of their wisdom pinned at the top. There seems to still be a great community here, and I'm excited to join it again.

Hopefully you can make positive changes to your behavior quicker than most that arrive here since you have been exposed to this before.

I feel like I'm ahead of the curve but still with a lot of work to do. I do truly believe in it, it's just overcoming the urges to fix, to reach out, etc.

Drop any/all unattractive behaviors.
Start adding attractive behaviors.

Do your research into attractive male behavior. Do not be supplicating. Do not be open with her about your emotional state. Project that life is amazing now. You can express your sadness or anger or whatever you are feeling here, and in private, when and where it is safe.

Do you have a resource you recommend. I do remember and read on some of the pinned threads about acting like everything is amazing. Dressing better, taking care of myself, exercising, GAL, *not pursuing*. Again, I screwed up this morning, but otherwise, I'd say my behavior in this first week is where I was after 3 months or so the first time.

Do you have any book recommendations on this topic? I remember the book Hold On to Your N.U.T.s but honestly, didn't read the whole thing and got rid of it a couple of years ago.

Agree with her that the relation sucked (by your behavior when interacting with her).

I can proudly say I have not made the beginner mistake of trying to make her believe everything was better than she thought. So far she hasn't even said a word about our on R, only about MIL. I think there's a lot she hasn't said, I suspect a lot of it as I've been aware of her pain for over a year, but it is now up to her to come to me with it.

two of my mantras:

1) I do not share my woman with other men (or women).
2) I do not want to be with a woman who does not want to be with me.

I need to hear these, especially the 2nd one. I just had a phone call with an awesome older cousin that emphasized #2, among many other great points. I'm going to journal that phone call here later.

Enthusiastically support her. Do not argue with her. Actively listen to her...IE relate to her emotional state when she is talking to you. "You sound sad"...or "I bet that made you mad" etc

Be on purpose. Do not be boring.

Great things to here. Putting them in quotes here for my sake.