Way Less Lost!! Pt 4

[Pattnee5]

I think my situation is just way way too wierd/strange. No “separated” people live like this. I mean I get it the while keeping it as smooth as possible for the kids but this is just beyond wierd now the more I think about it. I have just been dragged along because I was blinded by it all thinking we had a chance, believing him when he said to give him time to work himself out. I was really just in such a fog and thought I was doing right thing now I can see how utterly rubbish this all has been.

-H lives in a crappy studio above my grandmothers house an old rental.yep my poor family put him up thinking we had a chance and that was 3 months ago he’s been there rent free on an inflatable bed hardly a working kitchen and my poor family have to see him and cross paths with him even though they are so utterly angry

-we still share all finances and bills and have joint accounts.although he’s borrowed money from his parents for his lawyers and using it for his “holiday” and goodness knows what other drinking expenses he’s hiding

-I live at home full time with kids. Day in day out( which I don’t mind) but on the days I work I’m up early, on the days I don’t work I’m still up early taking them to school. H does the school errands on 3 days a week I work. He also sits in our house and uses it when I’m at work to do his washing, eat a cooked meal to save money as he only gets take away, and does some of my chores

I went from missing him crying, begging sappy messages, gifts gosh you name it I did it. To now, when I get home from work I literally cannot wait until he leaves and I get alone time 😂 I feel sorry for him with how disheveled he looks, vacant in the eyes, no energy no joy no laughter, talks about boring work, still in sweat pants. What’s really bad is he used to have such a great personality with so much joy in him. Now that personality only emerges after a drink or two and then a few more later and the anger and bitterness comes out. Goodness MLC or depression or whatever this state of mind is, is scary


This is a really messed situation that I’ve allowed. All because I was trying to nice him back. Take note everyone don’t do what I did above. In saying that I haven’t stopped getting on with my life seeing lots of friends having fun ( while H has completely isolated himself and the only contact he has is me in passing times and the kids)

However I hate this feeling of being somewhat stuck. Unable to make my own moves financially, having him come and go and walk in and out. Goodness me been doing a lot of thinking today and he is legitimately in comfort zone. He’s happy to just Coast like this because it works for him. Not moving one way with finalising proceedings and not moving the other to get whatever issues he has sorted. This is one part of this MLC I don’t get. Where is the running off being wild and crazy. He is just cycling through the motions of life like he’s on autopilot and everything is a check box. The drinking and gaming has stopped around me now. I don’t think the drinking has stopped but at least not around me and home. Seems he’s stopped going to the gym too.

Argh I am frustrated at myself for letting it get to this and I wished I had woken up sooner in my dB days . Fellow LBS do not do what I did for so long. I played along thinking I was helping him instead he’s just stuck. Not budging either way and now I need to Do his dirty work.

Anyway sorry just a vent tonight. I’m sleeping amazingly now( thinking back to the days of struggling to sleep and eat), I am getting up at 5am tomorrow to go to the gym before work to start my day. Commitment at that hour.
I am definitely going to have “ the talk” to finalise the legal separation and move on splitting all finances completely and going our seperate ways properly. We can’t file for D here in Aus until 12 months since separation ( I think it goes from when he says it or when he moves out im unsure)
I won’t file for D I will let him do that but for now all the legal separation stuff has to be done.
I am just so so done with this whole situation and person and I certainly don’t want to be around him if his alcoholism gets worse.

Anyway thanks for listening and advice and anything really.
Next week I am going to be a mess I think as I get the guts to do this. I am ready to move forward in my life. Kind18 thanks for the suggestion of sexy clothes and waving another man in his face haha I don’t think I am at that point anytime soon. It would be funny though. A lot of my work friends keep telling me it’s time to get “revenge hot” ha ha the furthest I’ve gone is hitting the gym again and dressing up on weekends
But I honestly have so many friends I am loving hanging out with and don’t need an anchor of a MLC H weighing me down with him, and destroying the kids by his actions. I don’t want our kids thinking this is “ok” for a man to waltz in and out of a relationship as he pleases.

I completely get your point Kind about the thief. It makes so much sense. I was struggling with the guilt that I was giving up too easily on my marriage and not standing like other DB spouses. But then again my whole situation is completely messed and on H terms from day 1 and I have been walked all over and I hated every minute.

Anyway rant over. Reached out to a realestate agent today, got that coming up in the next day or two, getting some ideas. Will try and psyche myself up over the weekend and schedule it for next week. Going to attempt a kitchen table discussion and hopefully amicable arrangement to pass on to lawyers, if that fails then lawyers can fight lawyers I guess. Either way I’ll keep on here and keep posting. I don’t know what to expect as a reaction or what version of H will come about. I just have to stay solid. You guys are all the best and I may chicken out about 20 times before next week but I know you will have stern words