I think I just feel like a failure that I didn’t keep fighting.
Imagine a scenario where someone keeps breaking into a house to steal children’s toys, night after night.
Homeowner 1 tries to reason with the thief many times, but eventually decides they and their kids deserve better, so eventually they install a lock on their front door and call the police.
Homeowner 2 spends 20 years, every night, trying to reason with the thief and hoping they’ll come to their senses and stop stealing. They don’t call the police because they’re worried others might think they’re mean to to the thief.
Tell me - which one is really a failure?
At some point, you need to protect yourself and your kids and your possessions. The real failure is perpetually letting someone treat you like cr*p.
If you still want to stand, you can do that after divorce and you’re probably more likely to reconcile after divkrce. It’s not giving up - it’s drawing a line in the sand about how you’re prepared to be treated.
