My Story (2)

[Sunflyer]

This is mostly a vent, but I am open for advice.

W continues to launch venomous tirades against my older sister.

Basically, my sister has stopped speaking to W since W announced intention to D. But W doesn't speak to my sister about this issue; she speaks to me. These "conversations" are a thinly veiled attempt to try to get me to elaborate on what my sister and I talk about when we see each other (which these days, is nothing about W). I refuse to rise to the bait, because this will start an argument, and besides, I think it should be fairly obvious. Every time this comes up, in my head I'm thinking: SHE'S NOT SPEAKING TO YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE BLOWING UP THE FAMILY AND WON'T CONSIDER ANY OTHER ALTERNATIVE.

My sister has likewise stopped speaking to W's parents and brother. Latest incident was yesterday.
We had a combined birthday party for S13 and going away party for S17 as he leaves for college Wednesday. My sister completely ignored W, her parents, and brother entirely. No hellos, goodbyes, not a word spoken to them. And they are Italian and if you know Italians, they take half an hour to say goodbye after every family gathering. While I don't necessarily justify this, my sister is a big girl, and I can't make her fake something she doesn't feel.

Inevitably, after one of these encounters, W starts the complaints. I've heard some variation of the below several times now (including tonight).

"Your other sister has texted me constantly, asking how I was after my surgery, etc. Not one word from your older sister. Not one. Regardless of what is going on between us." (Note: W spoke to my other sister regarding our situation without my consent, thus pre-empting anything I would have said, so that my other sister is now in her corner and supports her ending our marriage).

"She totally ignored my parents and brother, who did nothing to her."

"We had her favorite kind of pizza yesterday. I bought her a party favor. She said nothing to me."

"Does she say anything about me when you are alone with her?"

"Her attitude is disgusting." (W likes that word).

"She loves those boys, and she needs to remember I will always be their mother. But I will not say anything to them about her behavior because I do not want to poison their relationship with her."

"Your sister has always resented me. I believe she thinks I stole you from her." (My older sister and I have always been close and shared a lot of time together before I got married).

"I hope she likes being alone on holidays or with her friend that she runs around with."

She also made clear that sister is now out of any future rounds of playing happy family at Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. (I'm sure my sister would be terrified to hear that lol).

So, like I said earlier, I don't justify sister's behavior but I do understand it, and I listen, validate, and bow out with as few words spoken as possible. Not sure there's any more I can do.