I’m back :(

[Sunflyer]

Hi Card; I am sorry to hear this. You have really been hit with a double whammy with the marital issues and your W's health problems.

Another aspect of this I'll jot down. We have a decent age difference. I was her first serious R. I was aware of this and waited longer than I initially wanted to propose. I wanted to see if she really wanted to stay, and she was unwavering until 12 months ago, or less. But I wonder if some of this is just her wanting to explore, like she got into a serious R before she knew enough about herself. I don't think there's going to be clean understanding due to how MS also changed her brain and body over the last 6+ years.

I empathize with you here. 11+ year age difference between me and W. Each of us only had one serious R before we met each other. ("Serious" basically translates as we each did some sexual stuff with our previous partners but neither was anybody we should have thought about staying with). I had plenty of dates but few that showed promise of leading to an R. I never really regretted the end of my dating life. I was glad to be out of that scene when I met W and she made me very content.

Her...I am now not so sure. She always had body image issues related to her weight. She had weight loss surgery and lost around 125 pounds, which is fine. Now she is going through cosmetic surgery not only to deal with the aftermath of the weight loss, but to fix other "flaws" like loose skin on her arms, sagging breasts, etc. She's now wearing bikinis, which she would not been have caught dead in before.

It's hard not to suspect that she might be thinking, "Hey, I never had much in the way of Rs earlier in my life...I'm still in my 40s...do I really want to be with this guy who will be 60 next year? Taking care of him in his 70s when I'm still pretty young?" (She's very attractive btw).

MS is a tough haul to deal with, in oneself or a loved one. I have a friend who has it plus other health issues (almost died of COVID). He has mentioned that it is definitely affecting his marriage but hasn't gone into details.

You have more experience on this board than I do, so I'm sure you know what it offers. It's a hard road, but you won't walk it alone.