Looking at a bike today. Getting some good guidance from my friend. Continuing to face and feel my emotions and process grief. I think a bike could really fit well with this process.
Been having limited intermittent interactions with W and they have been difficult for me. When I have had breaks from her I have begun to do better. She is back from her trip and has told me that she is stressed and bored on some occasions and happy healthy and rested on another. She took youngest S out a couple of times this weekend and that required some communication and coordination regarding his needs.
Some examples of the interactions I have found difficult:
W called me on Saturday because her (our) car was not driving properly and she pulled off to the side of the road. I didn’t answer her call at first and she texted saying she needed me to call her right away. She was distressed and said “Why won’t you answer your phone? I need help.” I replied calmly that I don’t always have my phone with me and asked what she needed. I drove over and assisted her with the car. She was on her way over to take S out.
Yesterday morning W reached out to discuss some things from her time with S from the day before. She brought up some things from my week of camping with S and how S had told her that it was hard. She said that I had given the impression that it was great (it was!). I asked for more specifics about what S had described as hard. She didn’t elaborate and went on to say I’m not telling her everything and that I project this glossy picture of my life. She also brought up a difficult time a few weeks ago that S told her about from when she was away on her trip. She asked why I didn’t tell her about that. I told her that we managed that difficult time well and I would be happy to talk more with her about it. She told me she didn’t want to.
She then went on to say that she was trying to plan another activity with S later that day (yesterday). I replied that the vehicle was ready for them (I had vacuumed and taken complete care of the vehicle in preparation). They went out later for an hour or so. I returned home and W criticized me on the state she had noticed my (our) other vehicle in (it needs a wash and vacuum post camping). Without becoming defensive, I replied that I’m taking care of it and I had to go since I had dinner in the oven.
I’m writing all this here as some of my process. I want to avoid analyzing interactions. But to acknowledge that it is strained and difficult and I am working on myself and how I show up. And I’m being honest with myself that interacting with her takes a toll on me.
