Learning the ropes 2

[Pattnee5]

Indifference is good. It really helps you with your own mental state Sun. Thinking back now at all the sleepless nights the knots in my stomach where I couldn’t eat, the stressing about every single word and detail it was horrible. I was letting H MLC destroy not just his life but mine too. Hope is timeless as DnJ keeps saying. We all have hope, it’s just what we hope for changes as we emerge from the fog.
I think what you are doing Sun is perfect. Work should end when you come home. Work shouldn’t come home with you, it shouldn’t interfere with your personal life. Unfortunately my H started to forget that and would work all the time and bring work stress home and then to drown the stress would drink. And as stress increased so did drinking, to a point where he may have had one or two nights a week without alcohol but even that was a struggle. It really is a horrible path to take. My H issues all stem back to the way he was raised in an environment where you suppress feelings and Emotions and bottle everything up and don’t talk openly. Arguments were always frowned upon ( I find arguments and heated discussions healthy). He was far better with his communicating in the past but enter MLC mode and he transforms into a version of his parents that I have never seen.

I think if MA has taught us anything it’s that as us LBS take back control of our lives, we start to grow and see what we deserve and what is best for our future. The fact that in our desperation we have scoured the Internet and stumbled onto this board with such wealth of support and knowledge is such a powerful thing. I remember early on when I jumped on here everyone kept saying it gets better and I will be ok. Back then I could hardly breathe and thought how in the world is that ever going to happen. Looking back now the last 8 months have been such phenomenal growth and personal transformation I know I will be ok. Like Ma is ok and absolutely flying high. We come out better. Our MLC or WAS don’t. My H (and from the sounds of it MA’s too) may not be ok for a very long time