A little less lost? Pt 3

[Pattnee5]

Thanks guys
I spoke to H when he was in a normal mood and told him again I don’t want him drinking or gaming around me or the kids anymore. He said he understood and even said he had been better lately with drinking ( I had a silent chuckle because I knew that was false he had easily had drinks almost 4 out of 7 days this week that I saw and that was bingeing) 🤷🏼‍♀️ who knows how long it lasts but have removed all the alcohol from the house even though he doesn’t live here. I’ll also become firmer with him now I no longer care about hurting his feelings. There’s no saving this I had tiptoed around him for so long scared to inflict boundaries thinking that would somehow get him home. Boy was I wrong .He said we still had some bigger talks to have in the next week or two. I guess this is going ahead. Even though I always held out a small ounce of hope for him and us, he is not thinking of anything but proceeding with divorce now.
How can one man be so darn stubborn and not even want to get any help or seek to try and even fix a relationship before throwing it all away. I am still so shocked how one human can flick a switch and become someone so different.
Oh well it is what it is and there’s nothing I can do about it I can’t force him to snap back to reality.He is showing no desire to do anything that involved talking or connecting, rather would sit and game and drink for hours a day if he could. Such a sad reality. I feel sorry for him and find it hard to watch the father of my children become like this. It actually is such a turn off though. I have surrounded myself and the kids with lots of fun things this weekend had friends over with their kids, lunch dates with friends lots of laughs and even enjoying my own time and space too. A typical Sunday H would be buried in games and about 3 beers in by now. Gosh I am so thankful I don’t have to witness that anymore. I didn’t realise how antisocial he had become the last 12-18 months until now and having this space from him. I am really enjoying being alone now ( and no longer feel lonely or miss him in his current form.) I do still miss who he used to be before he spiralled into his MLC.
My IC and I had a chat earlier this week and she said it is perfectly ok for me to stand up for myself the next time he throws my affair at me again, to just remind him he too did the same thing to his wife. She had a better way to say it of course. I’ll keep that in my back pocket. Again had been scared in the past to say anything now i no longer care

I also had a really great experience with a kinesiology session too. I never would have got into that sort of stuff but I found the whole experience very emotional and released a lot of blockages etc. I don’t know if it was garbage or not but since my two sessions I have been feeling far more grounded and clear headed and come out of the fog.

I still keep reading alot of stories etc on MlC. I don’t know if that is bad or not. Just hearing other stories reading things.I can safely say a lot of my H started when he got this bigger job promotion and he couldn’t cope with the stress of the workload and didn’t have good outlets on stress. He really was not one to climb the ladder and preferred coasting so that certainly had been the worst thing for him.

Anyhow I am doing good. Had a great weekend lots of smiles and laughs. Am loving finding myself again and realising how amazing I am as a person and H is an absolute fool to throw this all away and throw me away