A little less lost? Pt 3

[Pattnee5]

Ok here for some advice. It’s been a hectic 48 hours. Had a funeral of our dear dear friends daughter who was 12 and lost her battle with cancer. Her and our S12 grew up together and so in love. Such a horrible experience and heartbroken for the family.
H was indecisive about the funeral and coming. I didn’t say anything one way or another and when he asked if he should come I said it was up to him. He did end up coming and was a bit of a mess himself by the end of it. Hugged the family then Hugged our kids crying and had to leave early. It was kind of nice to see some emotion finally that he actually does feel things.
He admitted later in the day via text he felt very hyper and emotional and hormonal and had struggled.

Fast forward to today/tonight. I worked H had kids after school ( in our house) was making dinner for the kids when I got home. I had a bit of a rough day post yesterday and another darn virus got me. As I walked in he said he was having a beer and hoped that was ok. I just shrugged. Last week I had told him I didn’t want him drinking around me and at the house and he had agreed and said ok. Obviously that didn’t last. I was too drained and under the weather to really handle it better I should have cut him off there. Anyway I had a bath while he finished up and cleaned up. D14 decided she wanted to watch the notebook with me ( cue more tears). When I had come out of the bath H was sitting on his gaming comp ( in our living room) had helped himself to wine out of the cupboard and was playing. I bit my tongue. In the past I would have said something. When he finished his game he went back into the cupboard for more wine and D14 told him it’s not his house and not to drink. He didn’t listen and made a “ I pay for this house blah blah” comment. He was a few drinks in by then so I really wanted to avoid any conflict. I knew anything I said would not sit well. Luckily he finished his game and drink and left. Not a bad effort a big bottle (longneck)of beer and almost 3/4 wine. I’m cheesed off I didn’t say anything sooner but by the time I got out of the bath it was too late and he was a few in. D14 hates him drinking and has told him. He now no longer cares. The gaming is going hand in hand. I told him to just take his game and leave but he won’t and blames random things like Internet where he lives.

So my question is HELP. How can I constructively tell him AGAIN I don’t want him drinking around us and gaming. The fact it’s annoying D14 now means I need to say it. I am glad I didn’t say anything tonight.it wouldn’t have ended well I know how things end when he drinks. The drinking has really got a hold of him now. The last few nights he had been drinking I can always tell if I see him he is buzzing, or a charge appears from the bottle shop. I can’t stop him being at the house when I’m at work and he is on parent duties but I have already told him a week ago about not drinking around me and it didn’t work the gaming is getting to me now too. And D14 she says it’s annoying seeing dad sitting there gaming at night when he doesn’t live here.

This is absolutely heartbreaking for me I am watching this man I love absolutely spiral into alcohol addiction and he doesn’t know it. It’s getting worse and worse and I’m the only one who knows because he hides it from his Christian family who have no idea. I know they say let them fall in their mess but this is the father of my kids. Gosh I am so glad he doesn’t live with me anymore. This is actually such a turn off.

But any constructive advice how I can say this stuff and my boundaries without coming across mean or anything or blaming or anything that may upset him. I know it needs to be a morning conversation. Not an evening one.