Newbie Here

[Pattnee5]

That’s good Keys, it’s def not just your fault. A marriage is a 50/50 partnership and we certainly have made our fair share of errors too, however we are in a clearer mindset to understand this and do the work in ourselves to be better. The MLC spouse isn’t mature enough to see or understand that. They just want to shift blame to us because it’s easier than them having to look within and work on themselves. I don’t think they physically have the mental maturity to even see or understand it anyway. My H is literally turned into a 17 year old. In sweats all day, video games whenever he can, drinks… still somehow works and ticks off duties with the kids but that’s it.
I know there’s underlying depression there ( masked by all the drinking that’s increasing ).
I would say your W may have some too. When women are sad or down that’s all we want to do is sit in bed all day and basically curl into a ball and distract ourselves with tv or on her phone in her case.

You know through all this heartache all this anguish I have experienced for months ( and we all know how horrible those first few weeks after Bd are) as sad and down and empty of tears I was, I didn’t spend a single day curled up in bed. And that to me is something that I’m proud of. I don’t know how I did it, how I willed the energy and courage to get up every day and face my responsibilities (I think the kids were a huge factor and reason) but I didn’t become someone who collapsed in the face of adversity. And I would say, I imagine you are much the same. So while our MLC spouses may fall into their own holes they have dug, remember we stood tall and strong and every day we are getting stronger and better( all the while they are not)
So keep DB’ing as hard as it may seem. It’s working-not just for your W but for you. You do it for you