Don't really know where to start. It's been a few weeks since my last post when H turned up in the early morning just before I went on a family holiday to tell me he'll always care about me but feels we need a fresh start & wants a divorce. I had no further contact with him but he then changed his social media profile pic to one of OW and him & blocked his kids from his page. None of this bothered me. I continued to consider it as another example of his crazy world!
Roll forward a couple of weeks. Within the same week, he has taken D for a coffee, told her he is happier than he has ever been & wasn't happy in the marriage. Again, it has had no impact on me. Just part of his crazy thinking & biased memories of our life.
3 days ago, I get a phone call at 23.45pm. I was in bed & answered. He asked if he could meet and talk to me. I said it was very late, I'm in bed and we can arrange a time in the next week. Turns out, he was outside the house and wanted to talk there & then! I clearly didn't give myself the time to see I didn't have to agree to this (hindsight is a wonderful thing) & got dressed & let him in.
I'm sure you can imagine what follows. More crazy!! He's been thinking about me constantly, misses me, misses his kids, loves me, doesn't love her etc etc... knows he has no right but wants us to be together, recognises this won't happen immediately blah blah... Its completely comical. He seems to think I'm in the same place as when he first left. He talked about how I've changed, I look really sexy (Eeew!!), talked about the times I slept with him (when I was desperate to get him back) & how good it was. This really gave me the ick! I stopped him at that point and said Alot of time has passed since then. I'm a different person & actually feel quite degraded by how I acted. It wasn't out of love, it was desperation. I can't take it back but equally I am in a different place and wouldn't repeat it. He asked if there was anyone else & I said that wasn't any of his business since he left and said his future was with OW.
He expressed regret & said he was still with her but would end it if I took him back. I said he shouldn't do that but should speak to his IC about how he can strengthen the relationship with OW. I said I was happy how I am now and didn't see my future with him so he should focus everything on his relationship with her. He said he's having therapy beyond his free work sessions & he is a different person. More together, open, honest and calm. I did bite a bit at this point and said I thought that he should continue with therapy for a whole because that wasn't my perception. I provided him with the recent activities 2 weeks ago asking for a divorce, 4 days ago telling our D thst he had never been happier and wasn't happy in the marriage & on that day turning up saying he would leave OW because he misses me! He did acknowledge the discrepancy in his statement.
I asked him to leave 40 minutes later, saying I think you should discuss all this with uour counsellor. He tried to hug me & started kissing my neck. I extracted myself and said it's late, I've got work tomorrow, I think you should go. He left and 10mins later there was a knock at the door with him asking if he could stay & sleep on sofa. I said no & shut the door!
Since this time, he has tried messaging me asking me to meet to talk about where we went wrong!! I said I thought it was too soon & he should talk to his IC and have some time alone. He has been bombarding our D with messages saying he's ended it with OW (my suspicions are she ended it know the night he turned up) because he loves me. He's sent D photo after photo after photo of past experiences putting comments like how much he loves me etc etc.
Surprisingly I'm not too unsettled by this. I am firm.at this stage that my life is good currently and better without him than with him. I don't want R at all but am worried that he'll pull me back into that role of protector. I suspect it is over with OW. He's wracked up a lot if debt & has no money now so she's scarpered. I think his head was turned because of the attention & I'm not sure he would just go with someone else. However, I do not want him back. I want to be kind to him but this is his mess and he needs to sort himself out. How do I be kind and supportive without giving him false hope? I care for him, he's my children's father but equally I don't want him bombarding both him and my daughter with messages and craziness.
Sorry for the long post. Feels like such a lot has happened but really crystallised that I am detached and able to see I have a potentially much better future ahead without him. I NEVER thought I would have thought that at ghe start if this 8 months ago!
