A new issue for me

[bttrfly]

Hi Tad, so nice to see you. I'm rarely here myself these days, but I'm glad I popped in to find a post from you.

I get it --- really I do. Been discussing some of this with a dear friend who is widowed and whose son passed away four years ago - her only child. She's facing a surgery tomorrow, and doesn't have an emergency contact. She's about 1000 miles away, so I can't help her. We've been friends since 1986. I feel it as well, because until recently I didn't feel like my son was a good candidate for my emergency contact.

I had the realization on Christmas day last year that, while it wasn't a fear, I certainly did not intend to live my life alone. It became a conscious decision to do something about that. I tried dating apps for a few months and learned a lot about myself - mostly what I do and do not want vis a vis relationships, so for me that was a great learning experience.

I've joined MeetUp and have gone to one function that was so much fun. They hold it every month, have done so for years, and most folks are regulars. I suggest something like that, just to get out and do stuff you are interested in and may find a real affinity for, as well as meet like-minded souls.

I would absolutely NOT engage with your drug addicted brother. I think your decision to separate yourself, while painful, was the wisest one, for obvious reasons. The last thing you want is to be in a vulnerable position with an active addict having access to you!

I'd have a frank conversation with the son you feel closest to, if emergency contact is something you're concerned about.

In the meantime, force yourself to engage with others in the real world (not cyberspace). Baby steps, Tad. How do you feel about volunteering somewhere locally? That's also a great way to meet people.

Good luck, chin up! I'm a few years older than you - if I can do it, you can!!! xoxoxo