The other night she had what I call an "episode" where the alien appeared and lashed out towards me. I employed my best DB technique - maintain my composure, looked in the eye and validated everything she said even if I don't believe it.
From dictionary.com: validation-The act of confirming something as true or correct.
From my research, one should be validating the emotions of the other person, not everything they say-"Sounds like you were angry" or "I can see that you are angry" or "I can imaging you were angry". You can also express your emotions in words - "That makes me sad".
google images of "feeling wheel"
I am the safe one that my lady (and my kids when they were still dependents) can express her "scary" emotions to. Definitely takes some practice.
Originally Posted by Keyser77
When she started cussing at me I told her that I would be happy to finish the conversation when she didn't direct those words at me. She stormed off to bed and about 30 minutes came back downstairs and talked to me like a person.
Perfect response. Looks like you got the desired behavior. Good job.
Lets say she was screaming this: "You were (are) the worst spouse ever". If you focus on her emotional state, you do not have to validate (or argue) the statement. Lots of choices so you don't sound like a broken record:
"It must be hard to feel that way" "I understand you feel that way" "That must make you angry" "I can see how being married to me can be difficult" etc.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
