A new issue for me

[tadpole1025]

Hey DnJ.

Piper and Jazz are doing great. They are the sweetest little girls. Next month, will be four years since I adopted them. I can't imagine my life without them.

Saying I live by MYSELF does sound better than saying I'm alone.

As for my sons, the relationship is good with 3/4 of them. I guess I could try to talk to them more. I'd like to get together with them more often, but like I said, they have their own lives with jobs, friends, kids, significant others...

I too had a house of six with me, wife, four sons, our friends, friends of my sons and members of my sons band always in and out. My house was a regular grand central station. There was always something going on. And to be honest, I still miss it. (The holidays are the worst as my XW always made them spectacular. Now, it's usually just me having dinner at Denny's or working. My boys usually go to her place.)

It surely is a battle like you said. Let me get more specific about the fears.

I fear that if I had to spend time in the hospital, who would take care of the kitties?

My XW promised a while back that if anything happened to me, she would take the kitties until she could find a good home for them. If she moves out of state, what happens then?

Yes, my world revolves around the cats.

What if I can't work and can't pay my bills?

I also fear road trips and breaking down and being stranded. (Another reason why I don't leave home very often.)

I know some of the fears may sound foolish, but the fact is, they are real. It is something that I can't help. They are there and I live with them every day.

Sometimes I think that there really is something wrong with me.

I was not raised in a religious household, but have read the Bible many times as an adult. It helped a lot when my grandmother was dying. Maybe a church could be some help?

You do bring up some good points about words, thoughts and actions. I still do tend to worry though. It's almost crippling.

I do wonder if this is part of getting old, getting old by myself or being an empty nester with no partner.

I'm going to wait on contacting my brother. (It's complicated.)

Anyways, I do appreciate your thoughts.

Tad.