A new issue for me

[tadpole1025]

Hey everyone.

I told myself that I wouldn't post here anymore, but here I am. I've been posting here since early 2011. It's been a very long time. I'm sure you can find my story if you dig around the site.

So, I have four sons. They all live here in Arizona. I don't have a relationship with son #1. He avoids everyone like the plague. Son #2 has told me that he wants to move to Michigan in a few months. Son #4 is thinking about moving to California. I also found out that XW may be moving to Ohio. Even this bothers me. Don't ask me why, because I don't know the answer.

I'm 55 years old and spend most of my time working or at home with my two cats who I adore. I will occasionally see a movie, but that's it. I don't have a social life. I talk to people more on Facebook than people in "real-life." A lot of them, I've never met. A lot of them are friends because we met online through our common love of Bald Eagles. Others are former listeners or coworkers of mine from my radio days. I also don't have much money and live paycheck to paycheck. Other than a very little in my 401k, I have nothing saved.

The problem is, and it has been eating at me, I'm now suddenly scared to be alone as I get older. I'm scared of needing help and not being able to get it. Again, money isn't great and I'm not in the best of health. I have Diabetes, Heart Disease and have a little extra weight. Up until my early 40s, when everything exploded, I was a nationally known, award-winning country music radio disc jockey. Now I'm extremely shy and avoid people and really have no friends other than people that I see at work. I do have one female friend that I see occasionally. She is married and the three of us will have dinner from time to time. My sons live across town about 20 miles away. They have their own lives and I see them 4-5 times a year. I have a relationship with them, but I wouldn't call us extremely close.

As time went by after the divorce, I actually liked my time alone and still do, but I've got this fear of really, REALLY being alone and having nobody.

Does anyone have anything to suggest? I mean, I could go on a dating site and HOPE to meet someone and fall in love, but I'm not really sure I want to do that. I'm not looking for "love", but I don't want to be alone in this world with nobody. I do have a brother, but I don't see him because he is a drug addict and has had many run-ins with the law.

I'm just worried and scared.

Any suggestions? I really could use some help.

Tad