you are right, the more I've thought about it the more I realized that this has been quite a few months actually, maybe even a year or longer where I should have seen signs but I was blind to them. He slipped away ever so slightly.
I've re-read all of our text messages over the past months and it was clear to see that. The cute little hearts and I love U's, etc. got fewer and eventually stopped all together sometime in the fall of last year.
He had a minor outpatient procedure done in November and he said not to worry about going with, he would be fine. That was strange to me. He pulled away right before my eyes but I didn't see it then. I guess all of his recent health scares and various other setbacks were piling up and he finally snapped under the pressure.
He said it quite a few times after inofficial BD in March, he was tired, he was done. He was spent and had no more left to give.
I thought I was doing a pretty good job supporting the family for the past year and a half because he couldn't work. He never gave me credit for that though. I wanted him to be proud of me for stepping up to the plate but instead it likely only made him feel like he failed us.
I wish I had told him how proud I was of him and how much I appreciated him. I didn't do it nearly enough.
I am not giving up on him, not ever. He's the love of my life.
