A little less lost? Pt 3

[Pattnee5]

Oh Love4him I’m so sorry to hear and read about your situation. I keep saying an Alien has abducted my H because this certainly isn’t the man who he has been for 20 years. I remember being like that and wanting that hug or attention. Now It doesn’t bother me. The words he says do, the blaming certainly does. The Alien/Devil at work is the pits.

I think this is my biggest fear now if miraculously H starts recover and only to have it all happen again in 5-10 years time. It’s so hard on us left behind.

I’m definitely better today my virus has cleared up so the sad self pity hormones have disappeared too. H is taking the kids interstate this weekend to his dads big bday bash. Originally it bothered me, all the family photos that will appear on social media by his family and I won’t be there. It’s a real nail in the final coffin but it is what it is now.
I have planned a night out with the girls and some quality time with some close family too. I am going to enjoy my break where all I have to worry about is me( and the dog)

I did mention to H the other day in my bumbling emotional state that I want to sit down and legally finalise everything. He was all over the shop saying he needs to work stuff out and come up with options etc. I don’t know how it can be so hard to just split everything sell the house and walk away which is my plan. He keeps saying he doesn’t want to sell and be the guy who leaves his kids on the street etc. I really don’t know what magical fairytale he has in his head of how this works but he’s not right.
Let’s see if he wants to sit and discuss when he returns. So much procrastinating for the mess he has created. I am just ready to rip that Band-Aid off and start to rebuild myself from the ground up without any financial ties to him( he lately whines about money and and not having as much in the bank as his older siblings who are much older and have adult kids and also one has gone through multiple divorces and cashed up) I want to be able to buy and spoil my kids and take them on holidays without having H be able to say a word and live my life with my kids.
I now know even if H and I are to reconcile we are such a long way off that I don’t want to waste my life waiting for the what if. It would need to be back to square one of dating once the alien disappears( if it does).
It’s funny how much clearer you can think once the emotions disappear