Piecing, as in piecing one’s marriage/relationship back together, is when both partners have openly and unreservedly (re)committed to the relationship and each other. Actually said it, and enacting it. And even then, it likely will take months for each to feel comfortable enough for R talks.
Piecing is the time when one can, and does, explore the land beyond those DB rules. Basically, rebuilding a new relationship upon the foundation of the old, which was under the now cleared away debris. It sounds like you two are not quite there yet.
Originally Posted by MikeP
My new struggle is my difficulty believing W wants to be here. Nothing she is doing to cause this, just my lack of trust still I would imagine. I sometimes worry that she is "trapped" here and would rather be somewhere else. I don't worry that she wants to be with the OM, I just don't trust that our R is real.
What do her actions say? Does she appear she wants to be elsewhere, or is it more your worrying manifesting such.
I totally get the lack of trust. It will take time. With demonstrated consistent behaviour your trust can be re-earned.
Right now, I suspect you are at a point when you might attempt some of the things that had non positive results before. You might consider some more inviting her to joint activities. The doing more of which works and less of what doesn’t. And go slow. Really slow. See how she responds.
Keep DBing. I’d work to let go the worry and fear that W feels trapped. Such worry clouds your mind and gives off small subconscious indications from you as well. We at times do make our own fate, as those wee indicators influence those around us. Act/behave as if.
Don’t fret about sweeping under the rug. True there is a time for one to discuss and clear the air, although I think that’s not now.
I’m sorry to hear FIL is getter worse. Hopefully the current steroid treatment will yield a positive turn around.
I’m coming up on one year retired. How long for you? And yes, best of luck finding a fulfilling post-retirement gig.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
