A little less lost? Pt 3

[Pattnee5]

Thanks Love4him for your response. I too believed he had forgiven me as we had so many wonderful years afterwards where it was never brought up with love and fun times. However it’s still hard to hear “I would have stayed with you forever if you stayed true to your word.”
I do wonder if he is holding this over me because he is carrying some deep down self hate as he too had an affair on his first wife in his early 20s and left her. I almost feel like I am being blamed for his lack of being punished
He also made sure to tell me how I disrespected him for years whereby I did whatever I wanted and he never felt he could tell me NO because I would get upset. He has a point here but at the same time he never spoke up so how was I to know. I am really beating myself up over this at the moment. I did disrespect him at times and loved spoiling the kids and family rotten but obviously now it’s under his skin and is all reasons as to why he wants out including why I promised him an amazing intimate life when we first got together( I was 23) and why I didn’t live up to that either and how I shouldn’t have promised him stuff I couldn’t deliver and he wouldn’t have moved down to be with me ( as the honeymoon stage wears off and intimacy goes down).

I still have days I wonder maybe it isn’t a MLC and it is just me after all. It does sometimes get hard not to believe these words.

I am so sorry to vent on here but I know you guys will give me a logical perspective instead of family and friends who are very involved and emotions are involved