A little less lost? Pt 3

[JosephS]

Thanks D and Kind. I felt like a new person handling this. In the past I would have profusely apologised( for nothing really other than making him angry) and followed up with a message or two. Last night I realised I actually did nothing whatsoever wrong so why should I apologise. In one breath he praises me and says I am an amazing mum and doing a kickass job and then half an hour later the Hulk emerges. I do remember he threw in a comment too basically saying “ you know the reason why I did this “ basically to insinuate the affair from 9 years ago. I let that slide too I realise now that he possibly wanted me to start begging and apologising again. I did nothing. I’m not to blame for this, I think now I deep down know he has a lot of other underlying MLC issues and is just trying to bring me down too. Obviously he has trauma around what happened and we had dealt with it and moved in for 9 years but maybe deep down he never did deal with it too. I used to deal with these episodes so wrongly the last few months. I think I am finally getting it.

Regardless I have woken up calm and balanced today and not letting this bother me at all.H is a long way off any sort of self awareness and it is useless if there is alcohol involved.we crossed paths briefly outside a few hours ago and didn’t look great at all, asked if he “was bad” last night because he couldn’t remember.he said he sensed he went bad as he left bur can’t remember what he said and started apologising and crying. I just said I wasn’t prepared to repeat it and moved on with what I was doing. Goodness me this isn’t a fun game that’s for sure
But I’m good today. 3 positive things for me each day. One- went to the gym for a great workout, 2- taking the pooch for a walk along the beach later this afternoon, 3- going to enjoy watching the women’s world cup soccer tonight ( which I don’t really like soccer)

This is honestly one of the best updates/posts I’ve read for quite sometime. Kind is absolutely right, this is how it’s done! You keep at it, you’re gonna be ok, and it sounds like you know it!!!

This is what the beginning of success looks like. We can’t all save our marriages, but we can all save ourselves!!