So good to hear from you. Doug, you sound well grounded and balanced.
W’s petition to the court for child support was weird. As your L said, it makes no sense as you two aren’t separated. Seems like a half-baked emotional reaction from her for being kicked out of the master bedroom. And then she drops it three months later when the reality of court is upon her.
I see W got full time work. Is this employment in the field she was studying for? Did she finish college and graduate?
Originally Posted by Doug54
I'm not sure how hard to play the house card - she said a realtor said we could sell the house in a week flat and at a price that would net both of us a decent sum. Supposedly, she has designs on a townhouse rental for herself that would come open mid-September. As of now I'm inclined to say I'm not leaving the house right before school starts for the kids. If we didn't start the separation clock until she formally moves out in September, I could certainly claim rights to not leaving the house before next June, no? A lot to process. Also, would she forfeit any of her say in the house if she moves out and only pays rent on her new place, while I continue to pay the mortgage myself? I'm sure the mediator would help her with this question if it comes up but I was wondering.
I’d not do too much in direct response to her “new” only days old moving out and separating plan. If she wants to move to a townhouse, she can go for it. The most help towards the heavy lifting would be you holding the door open so she can carry her stuff to her car.
I’m right with you on not upending the kids lives with weeks notice just before school. Sure, you might sell the place in a week flat, yet you and the kids still need to live somewhere. Sounds like another half-baked emotional plan; kind of like W. She needs more time. Not quite done baking that one.
Anyhow, speak to lawyer about all this. Not only the joint mediator. Certainly listen to the mediator and others, yet talk to your lawyer. And of course, do not share your L’s info with W.
Depending on your locale, leaving (abandoning) the marital home can waive certain rights and entitlements regarding home and assets.
I’d suggest, and it’s right from my path so I’m likely bias , I’d suggest remaining in the home. Kids know it, and love it. That’s a plus on the custody side too, and also where the kids want to be. When they are of legal age to decide for themselves is usually around 12, so S14 would likely get to choose.
My lawyer chuckled about when I asked about what if teens don’t get to choose where to live. A teen can/will make someone’s life hell if they are forced to live at a place they do not want to be at. Very true, I suspect. Raising teens was stressful enough, and that was with them wanting to be under my roof. Lol.
As to memories and ghost of the past. From my biased path: Make friends with them.
Regardless of where you reside, or visit, or travel to, there you are. And we all bring our memories along. Make peace and friends with all those ghosts.
Funny thing, those ghosts don’t really haunt. Speak to them. Ask them why they are here. Most are memories of past happy times. And are actually quite nice to revisit once in a while. The house and stuff, is just that - stuff. And just stirs what’s inside you.
Have a great Sunday.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
, I’d suggest remaining in the home. Kids know it, and love it. That’s a plus on the custody side too, and also where the kids want to be. When they are of legal age to decide for themselves is usually around 12, so S14 would likely get to choose.
