A little less lost? Pt 3

[Pattnee5]

Thanks Kind I think someone touched on expectations a while ago for me so now it makes so much more sense. Expect nothing 😂. Some days I think I am not doing it perfectly so this really helped. Thank you a tiny compliment and win.

H finally came home from his “trip” and wanted to see Kids tonight S12 was cooking ( we have been doing a lot of cooking lately and wanted his dad around.) I thought I would be fine because honestly I feel grounded. He came in all friendly and wanted to help with some household chores but everything was sorted for the school day ahead tomorrow. All had dinner and then kids wanted to play a board game which I politely declined and finished off cleaning up and doing their lunches. S then was getting a bit crazy like all 12yo boys and wanted to do some dance moves and wanted me to help which I did and we had a great laugh and dance around the living room. H standing back smiling observing the scene in front. Mind you he had just come off a 20 hour transit and flight was jet lagged and had a few wines. Told me I am doing a kick ass job with them and praised me which I thanked. He was hanging around a lot talking praising wanting to interact and show a few photos of his trip. I think the jet lag and the drink started to build up by the time he left the switch flipped right at the moment he had to walk out the door and some anger came out toward me just a snarky comment about having no choice and he had to leave and couldn’t kick me out and he’s living in a rubbish place with no fridge ( 😂🤷🏼‍♀️ well of course you walked out) I just said very calmly “ you know how I feel about you and about us and that I want to make it work “ it’s funny he was fine until he had to walk out, went from happy chirpy to angry like a wave washed over him
Look o probably could have said it a lot better but I remained calm and it’s all I could think about. He walked out all flustered and angry. And that was it. I realised afterward that while he was with the kids he had downed quite a few glasses of wine and even made a comment about taking some sleep aids he picked up overseas to get his body clock back in order ( over the counter sleep pills like Advil PM)

So while that whole scenario was pretty rubbish and I could have done things a million times better like maybe leave the house it actually didn’t phase me at all being there and I felt quite indifferent toward him. Almost more felt sorry for him. I was proud of myself at the end though. A few months ago I would have bombarded him with texts apologizing ( for doing nothing wrong mind you) tonight I didn’t even bother once he left I just left it at that and I won’t reach out until he wants to touch base.

I do think maybe I need to put my foot down about drinking around me anymore as I am done being the human punching bag when the anger comes out. I just don’t know how to say it nicely without basically calling him an angry drunk.

Another small win tonight for me is I feel fine about it all. I don’t feel like I am pining anymore I actually am thanking my lucky stars that he doesn’t live here at the moment as I think the drinking is really becoming an issue and I don’t want that around me and the kids or be the one having to deal with sorting that out. I can now see he has an even more massive road to recovery and getting out of whatever midlife issues he’s having just to get on top of the substance issue. I know the jet lag would have exacerbated things but just the switch flip as he was leaving wasn't great. As I said I kind of just shrugged it off and a bit like water off a ducks back.

Any advice on handling things better here appreciated and any constructive nice sentences I can use about setting the boundary about not drinking around me. I am a little fearful of the reaction of that one.