Good for you getting out and not sitting around the house staring at the walls. It is perfectly fine to do things you enjoy; not everything needs to be a 180.
A big purpose of the doing a 180 is to shake up the same old same old, that predictable rut we get into. A 180 is not doing stuff that is contrary to our core self, its more just getting out of our well worn grove.
A good way to discover new things you enjoy, is to actually re-discover old forgotten things. Like an old hobby you (had to ?) put aside as marriage, kids, work, and life required more and more of your time. (For example, I’m resurrecting my nitromethane powered remote control 1/8 scale monster truck that’s been packed away for decades.)
There is/was nothing wrong with accepting and embracing life’s responsibilities, yet we do lose/forget some of what made us, well us. That vibrant fun person our spouse was first attracted to. Finding ourselves is a big part of a 180.
Along with rekindling old known hobbies, try new things as well. To be sure not everything you try you will enjoy, and that’s ok. Drop the stuff that doesn’t resonate and continue that which does.
Also, stuff doesn’t need to be expensive or extravagant. It can be a simple as a solo stroll in the park or going down to the wilderness trail to do the 2 hour hike by yourself. Go out for a fancy meal, by yourself once in a while too. Dig out your bicycle and take it for a spin (you really never do forget how to ride a bike. ). Take up gardening, go to the gym, enrol in a kick boxing class or cooking class or art class. The world is full of stuff to do and we barely scratch the surface.
Originally Posted by Keyser77
W didn't say a single word to me yesterday and I didn't say one word to her. We live in the same house so it can be a bit uncomfortable. There have been many times in our M where we had done this and I had vowed recently to stop doing it. However, she is as cold as ice towards me and I feel like I'd be breaking the DB rules if I tried speaking to her.
I like the promise you stated - to stop giving the silent treatment. You should uphold that promise.
Realize, you know being silent is not something that feeds you. It does not serve you. Yet you are doing it. Why? Why be silent just because W is in a snit? Do not let her state, or anyone’s state, rule how you behave. You control you.
I get it. You live in the same household, and there is a palpable tension. So, be kind and cordial. Friendly, not friends. Act as if.
If you enter into a scenario as if it is broken, defeated, already lost, etc. there is very little chance things will alter or get better. We do mostly craft our reality. Fighting begets fighting. Silence begets silence.
Instead, enter that same scenario with a positive hopeful attitude. Important, hopeful as in possible not expected; keep expectations to zero. So, say good morning. Just friendly and cordial. She may respond with a good morning as well. Or she might bite your head off. Either way - ice broken.
Regardless of W, you’ve demonstrated you aren’t harbouring ill will, or giving the silent treatment. A good 180. And it’s good for you. Which is the very best of reasons.
You only control you. Your thoughts, actions, and reactions. Through these you can, and do, influence others and the world around you. Shine a positive influence. Potential changes are more likely to manifest in kind.
Eventually, acting as if, becomes not an act. It’s just who you are. The journey to becoming the best version of yourself.
Of course, W has free will. She may very well fight against your positive outlook and demonstrated behaviour and love of life. Oh well. You aren’t (primarily) doing this for her, you are doing it for you. Remain calm if/when she gets angry.
That being said, you cannot control how she response. However, you can control how you respond. Enter the boundaries. Disrespect like swearing and yelling need not be passively encouraged. You leave the room, you take yourself elsewhere, and you let W have her consequences of disrespectful behaviour.
All this is not poking the bear, or having R talks, or some such; it’s just a simple “hi” to your current roommate. How she responses will indicate furthering or ceasing that present time interaction.
Hoping you have a great day.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
). Take up gardening, go to the gym, enrol in a kick boxing class or cooking class or art class. The world is full of stuff to do and we barely scratch the surface.
