I have an appt with a lawyer this Thursday to review/sign a custody agreement.
Spoke with a mutual friend last night. W apparently told his W that she feels I am stalling and dragging this out for some reason. Mind you, BD was 3 months ago.
She also made a comment that she believes I"m a narcissist. I know that's the latest buzzword in society, but it got me thinking, maybe I am? From what little I knew about it, parts of my W fit that to a T. But, I certainly possess some of those characteristics as well.
Not that this changes anything whatsoever, but it's bothering me for some reason. I feel I"m fully aware of my flaws as a person. But for someone to think I"m a narcissist. I"m not sure how to feel about or handle that.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
Having some characteristics is not close to the same.
The fact you are sitting here wondering about it, trying to process it, and you took it negatively, you aren't a narcist. Hell the fact you are even here proves you aren't.
You are correct, it is the new buzz word, and it's an easy out for people to excuse their trashy behavior. Don't give it another thought, she's justifying her crappy decisions with her friends, that's it, nothing more to see.
Me: 40 EX:37 Together 17 years Married 16 years 5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11
You are correct, it is the new buzz word, and it's an easy out for people to excuse their trashy behavior. Don't give it another thought, she's justifying her crappy decisions with her friends, that's it, nothing more to see.
OMG, this old chestnut again. Here’s how it goes:
1. Wife ruins marriage and breaks family 2. Wife goes on Google and confirmation bias brings her to websites where women label their husbands as narcissists 3. Wife decides if so many other women understand it, that must be what’s going on with you 4. Wife also sees a quick solution to her guilt, because if you’re a narcissist, she doesn’t have to own her decisions or behaviour 5. Wife jumps on bandwagon, decides to label you to her friends 6. Friends sympathise with her and tell her how how hard that must have been for her and that she’s brave for standing up to it and divorcing you 7. She floods her Facebook page with BS quotes on pretty backgrounds like “I didn’t know I was abused, but that my own bravery was the only thing that could set me free” type stuff 🤮🤮🤮 8. Friends further validate her with “Brave Mumma Bear” and “You’re an inspiration to me”
9. Terapin sits at home and starts blaming himself for everything.
Some stern reminders: - An incredibly small number of the population are actually narcissists - Narcissism can only be diagnosed by highly trained medical professionals such as psychologists or psychiatrists - if you have the awareness to self reflect, really think about it and come here questioning it, you’re definitely not one - the people most likely to label others as narcissists are much more likely to be one themself.
Thanks guys. Like I said, I know I have some of those characteristics. I'm sure everyone does. My W definitely does.
I don't think she feels guilty about anything. Like you said Joe, I know for a fact that she has her little group of cheerleaders telling her how strong she is, how big of a dick I am, etc. And they all agree that it's the best decision for everyone, followed with the worn out 'you go girl!'
She is completely convinced that I'm stalling and dragging this out as some sort of punishment for her. Tomorrow I meet w/ the L and hopefully sign the custody agreement.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
This whole process is such a whirlwind. Emotions change by the minute sometimes.
I had thoughts about divorce months ago. W BD's me, and I want to work on the M. A month later, I"m fully prepared to move forward with D. Just a few days ago I was looking forward to meeting with the new lawyer and getting the custody agreement signed.
Yesterday and today, after the narcissist comment, as well as her telling people some of the mean and inappropriate things I"ve said to her the last few months, I"m back to feeling pretty bad about all this stuff.
I haven't been a perfect husband. Not by a long shot. But to see it in writing and/or hearing it out loud [censored].
I"m torn on 'manning up' and moving forward with a purpose, or apologizing to her for stuff I may have said in the past. Not that either will make a difference in anything
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
Met with new lawyer today. Paid retainer. She said this should be quick and easy.
Came home and said to W 'you probably think I've been blowing this off, but I had to get a new L, etc etc'
Gave her the signed custody agreement. She said 'you didn't need to pay for a L. We agree on everything'.
I told her that I was sorry things didn't work out, I know I've said and done some things I regret, and, and told her that I'm ready to get this over with as quick as possible. Also told her I'm proud of what we've accomplished the last 15 years, that we could have had a nice future together, but I deserve to have my needs met as well.
W didn't say a word, and that was the end. I feel pretty good. Looking forward to closing this chapter and moving onto the next.
On an unrelated note, my S is 13 days post tonsillectomy and still absolutely miserable. Ugh
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
She said 'you didn't need to pay for a L. We agree on everything'.
My W felt the same. After she filed, I got a letter from her L saying to have my L contact her within five business days.
I had a L on standby and paid the retainer. Unlike her, I don't have a father who is willing to pull large sums from his 401(k) for everything, so I took the money from our checking account.
She said she didn't know her L was going to send out a letter with that wording, as she wanted to do everything through her lawyer only.
She has informed me that my legal costs will be deducted from my house buyout payment.
Originally Posted by Terapin
On an unrelated note, my S is 13 days post tonsillectomy and still absolutely miserable. Ugh
Sorry to hear that. Hope he feels better soon.
Me 59 W 47 T 26 M 23 S18, S14 BD May 2023 D filed June 2023 OM1 confirmed: December 2023 OM2 confirmed: October 2023
Pretty good weekend. Played an acoustic show at a restaurant by our house Saturday evening. Got to see and hang out with a few people I haven't seen in a while. W brought our son down to eat. They stayed about an hour. Gotta say, I"m not sure why she came. Sitting at a table with my parents, and around a bunch of friends and coworkers of mine. Had to be a little awkward for her. Again, not sure why she came. I didn't ask and she didn't tell. I assume son wanted to come see me and eat for a bit. Whatever. W went to her parents for a few hours yesterday. I laid on the couch 'recovering' from the night. lol
He's almost fully recovered from his tonsillectomy! That was a rough 2 weeks. I just put in for vacation next week to hang out with him, and get some stuff done around the house to get it on the market.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
Today is my 50th. Ugh. Got a few gifts from 'son' that wife no doubt bought, which was nice. Other than that no acknowledgement from her. That's ok. Our 15 year anniversary is coming up on Wednesday. I certainly won't acknowledge it, and neither will she.
Just crazy to think that my 45th and 50 birthdays, and our 10 and 15 year anniversaries will be spent planning a divorce. But the good news is, I can 100% guarantee I won't be stressing over a D on my 55th!
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
