Sorry to read this. If you go back and read the beginnings of my thread, for one month after she BD'd me, I did most of the things we are 'supposed' to do. I never brought up the relationship, did plenty of GAL and 180s, and acted completely 'as if' with what was going on. I don't doubt for a second that these approaches are 1000x better than being a whiny baby, begging them back.
But, in my case, W took all of those things I was doing as an indication of me being completely happy and on board with divorcing, so she pushed forward with the D even harder.
Peter,
Terapin's point underlines the two meanings of "divorce busting."
The first meaning, which is presumably what we all come here hoping to do, is saving a marriage.
The second meaning, which only becomes clear a little later, is mitigating the effect of a divorce on you, if it happens.
I have not been on this road too long, but I have come to appreciate the importance of both of these.
The DB mindset is good for you, your mental health, and your future. My situation is not quite the same as Terapin's, but my attitude at this point is to keep learning and improving for ME and my personal future because the hard reality is that, barring the earth shifting on its axis or something, my marriage is toast. The ship is going down, but I'll be damned if I don't have a lifeboat.
If you haven't already noticed, so many cases here are similar. Although I haven't confirmed an affair, I relate to your experience of your relationship history being rewritten. People bailing on marriages do this often, so that they can justify their actions and make you seem like you're the whole problem.
Do not give up hope. But remember that hope requires a plan to move toward what you want. Hope is not what most people think it is, just waiting around thinking things might get better. And you also need plan B in case they don't get better at all.
Just my $0.02.
Me 59 W 47 T 26 M 23 S18, S14 BD May 2023 D filed June 2023 OM1 confirmed: December 2023 OM2 confirmed: October 2023
