Pattnee, sounds like another day has passed and you have survived those emotions. This journey is the hardest I've ever travelled and continues to throw curveballs. You're doing all the right things and noticing when you get sucked back in to unhelpful thinking styles. It's hard when this happens but does get quicker to detach. I reached out on here for my latest event & Kind replied saying he would wager that I would feel different in 24 hours. He was spot on! Remember this Pattnee, the emotions do pass and are a sign that you are grieving an important relationship that brought you your beautiful family. Try to also let go of the thoughts about H not doing his fair share. You can't rely on him at all at the minute. Mine has seen the kids once in the last month! D challenged him via text on this & he apologised saying when he sees her it just brings all the guilt up. Know that H isn't living his best life, he's escaping & avoiding his own feelings. He needs to work through that to be worthy of trying again.
The timeframe I referred to for DnJ was the one in his post to you around 12 months of dating where his ex demonstrated no contact with any OM. I would also add an extra time at the beginning of before considering dating for me & H. I really don't want to step into his crisis world & his limerant feelings for OW are / have been so strong, I figure it's going to take some time to get over them.
I also wish this community were closer to meet & get to see the people who have been so transformational in our journies. You're going to be better than fine Pattnee. Keep doing what you're doing now, notice the blips, observe your ups and downs and analyse your response rather than analysing H's behaviour. It's much more fruitful.
