Hi all - I have spent a considerable amount of time on these boards and I wish I would have found so much sooner. I didn't understand what was going on in my life with my wife and how my behavior and reactions put me in the situation that I'm in. This is my first post so bear with me. I'll try to give as much info as I can without being long winded.
My wife is definitely having a MLC. She is 49 and in the past 6 months or so has lost 20lbs, changed her wardrobe to much more revealing clothing - tasteful for the most part but a few outfits not appropriate, a lot of Botox, fillers, skin tightening procedures (no surgery as of yet), a whole new group of friends that she socializes with, much more drinking, spending money like crazy.
Our current situation is modified separation but living under the same roof, I sleep on the couch. We have to children D9 & D12 and stepson 26 so most of our conversations revolved around them. There is occasional intimacy but it is referred to as sex not ML - I have questions for the group about this. No OP for either of us but I suspect an EA with a much younger man. There have been a few times asking for a divorce has been mentioned, her moving out or asking me to move out, her saying she is going to remove her rings but so far that is just talk - none of it has happened. Oh yes - I have gotten the ILYBNILWY a few times. Some days she says she wants this to work out, other days she is saying maybe she wants to see other people. I know....don't believe anything she says. We have been married for 19 years and together for 26. She has told me that she was unhappy in the marriage the entire time and that she has been a verbally battered wife the entire time. I have never laid a hand on her but definitely own the verbally abusive part at times. We had an extremely happy marriage IMO up until about 6-8 months ago when I think MLC really took hold. I think its important to mention that my wife has been on hormone replacement therapy for about a year now. She believes its a god send and has helped her physically and mentally. I do believe the physically part but not sure on the mentally. I have read online that HRT can help with MLC but I honestly dont know. I am hopeful that it shortens the lifespan of it!
I started really employing DB techniques about 2 weeks ago. Before then, I made most of the same mistakes others have made - begging, bribing, constant R talks, etc. All of which drive her further away. Since then I've notice some slight changes in her behavior towards me at times. Still very angry at me most days but a little more talkative. One of her complaints throughout our R is that she wanted more attention. So the DB techniques were hard because I thought that it would push her further away. But I'm coming around to the fact that I was wrong.
I honestly don't know what phase of her MLC journey she is in because its not day to day - its minute to minute how she act. I really believe that the hormone replacement therapy plays a roll in how she feels at certain times. I have a ton of questions for the group and could provide more details on my current situation. I am so thankful to have found this website. I have spent hours on the internet researching my situation and this has been by far the most helpful.
