A little less lost? Pt 3

[Pattnee5]

So H is gone away and a few things came out over the last few days which had me internally firing, but I stayed cool calm collected and gave zero emotion. He mentioned his trip again before he left and recently came out the conference part is 4 days ( but he will have 4 days there before the trip for a “holiday” so away for 10 days) you can imagine my mind absolutely fuming when he mentioned this two days before he leaves and shortly followed up to tell me he put his dad down as an emergency contact just in case. I just said “ok “ to both of those comments and kept busying myself. After he left I gave myself time to digest both of those comments and my internal anger is not even around all of the possible affair or anything like that( let’s be honest the less I know the better ) . It’s around the fact he just puts these dates he is leaving down without a second thought then mentions he‘a only there for a few days work but leaving early to “holiday” without a second thought for his responsibilities of our daily life with the kids and running around to and from school and sport etc my parents are fuming of course as they are the ones picking up the slack ( as I have to work of course).h is an introvert massively and going to sit in New Orleans on his own for 4 days over a weekend( yeah right I’m not that gullible)
I am more annoyed at this because he told me about 3 weeks ago about this trip and wrote down dates and only told me two days before he leaves he’s having a holiday (who knows why when he’s been having one for 5 months). For 7 days a week for 5 months since he left I have the kids ( which don’t get me wrong I absolutely love) and he decides he needs a holiday( again after being there in January). I guess I allowed all of this behaviour by trying to appease him and not being firm with my boundaries sooner and allowing him to do very little while I did all the heavy lifting thinking I could save this.
I am not sure legally how something like this works when there’s a proper parental ageeement and we have set days( at the moment this coming and going as you please is really NOT working for me and I need to up my boundaries for myself. ). The anger cycles in me I was ready to change the locks and box up all his stuff and shove it in the garage. I might give it a few days and see how that feels again 🥴. There is so many angry words I want to say to H and I won’t. I write it and throw it away. I don’t feel that “love” for him anymore. That feels dead, wounded. I feel so disrespected now that I don’t even enjoy looking at him as he is not the man I knew all along. So I guess that’s a positive I don’t cry anymore

I’m having a big sit down with the lawyer next week. Going to be one step ahead now get all my options in order for this separation agreement now. I know this isn’t working for me I don’t like the coming and going etc. can I ask advice now on what I do once I have all my information and have a few options and scenarios up my sleeve. Do I approach H on his return and tell him we need to sit down and plan this agreement now and separate properly with seperate days and kids living in different houses. Or do I just sit back with all my stuff and let him make the move so he can feel the full weight and brunt knowing he did this. I feel our only options at the moment is for us to sell the house split assets and go our seperate ways as he can’t afford to rent elsewhere too. ( for now he lives for free but that’s going to stop) . He hasn’t pursued anything further since our initial talk a few months ago because he is “ waiting to see if he gets the contract to relocate to USA for 6-12 months. I would absolutely hate to force this and then find we have sold the house etc and he ends up moving and there was no need. I
Would also hate to be the one that instigated this next part of legal separation then have him hold that over me saying some rubbish like “ oh but you were the one who made the move on the lawyers” because let’s be honest that’s how his 17 year old brain thinks right now.
I know Db a lot of people say let them instigate their actions and own them. I certainly want my independence now financially and emotionally from all of this

Anyway I have a busy weekend as usual planned running around with kids sport again, bit of self love getting my hair done, and have some very close family coming around tonight for a wine. My friends and family have surrounded me immensely with support I am so incredibly lucky.