You know what's better every once in a while? Me, my motorcycle...I have absolutely screamed my lungs out on at 60ish MPH as well. ....find your outlet, get your self respect back, and take care of yourself.
While riding, I would stop at every bar I came across, I would order a water. I would focus on remembering peoples names and their story. I would make every interaction about them. I would practice all my listening skills. I would people watch. Notice how the guys were behaving. How the ladies were behaving. How they would interact. Listen to two ladies talk behind me and taking note of HOW they talked, NOT WHAT they were talking about.
Me? I went to the gym. Smashed that sucker once, sometimes twice daily.
And I renovated the house. Granted, that was easy because I was unemployed due to COVID BS. I only made a modest profit, because once the house was renovated, it was sold and I only got 30% or so of the profit.
But it didn’t matter.
It gave me purpose, direction, a reason for getting up. It meant time spent with my brother, my father and friends.
And the gym gave me my sleep back. It wasn’t an overnight cure to rumination or my mind tearing itself to pieces trying to think my way out of things… it meant that by the time I got in to bed, I was so physically exhausted that I would actually fall asleep and get 6-8 hours.
That made a huge difference to my mental health and mindset.
Go ride a motorbike. Go to the gym. Go chop some firewood. Buy a dog.
Do SOMETHING!!!
From you last few posts I’m starting to peer back in, and wondering if you’re finally starting to turn the corner after twelve months.
Caveat on the rest of my post: Sorry to be blunt and rather morbid… but then I’m not known around here for being gentle 🤣 And like Neffer, maybe rattling your tree will help you.
The average life expectancy of a man in the USA is 73. For some perspective: - if you’re mid forties, you have less than 30 years left. Maybe 28 years until you’re in the ground Rock - if you’re 53 or older, you have less than 20 years left. Let that sink in. Remember how on your 21st birthday you felt like you had grown up and made it to adulthood - if you’re mid fifties, you have less than that time it took you to make 21 left to go - even if you’re only 37 years old - you are more than half way through your life.
Think on that for a minute. It’s incredibly sobering.
You’ve just wasted a whole year of your last 20-30 years pining after a, frankly, sick and twisted woman and your dysfunctional relationship together.
Do you think perhaps now, it’s time to let that go and get on with living your life?
If she comes back in 5-10 years well so be it… but I wouldn’t be throwing away what’s left pining for something that is very unlikely to happen (and which sounds toxic anyway).
Time to make some choices.
Alternatively, you could come and live in Australia. Here the male life expectancy is 81 years. And if we all wore sunscreen to prevent melanoma, it would probably jump to 85. That would give you an extra ten years 🤣🤣🤣
