COVID Catastrophe

[teteme55]

Our date yesterday was lovely, I mean, very lovely, but C said something that has me baffled.

He got here about 10:30 am and I showed him the damage to his redbud tree. He CLIMBED the tree--typical male, right?--and asked me to get a saw and the big shears from the garage. I had white leggings on and had to climb over his car to get to the shelf where the saw was and it took me a minute to figure out how to do it without getting those white leggings dirty. Then I hear him swear, grabbed the stuff he asked for and found him on the ground under the tree--he fell out of the tree on his butt. He swore he was okay, climbed back up and I handed him what he needed. He trimmed the broken branches and dropped them to the ground. He and B would bundled them and dragged them to the curb when we got back from lunch. Then he took my car for its emission test.

When he got back, we went to lunch. Nice place we haven't been to for a few years. We talked about a book I bought him I thought he'd like--doing research for the blog I write for my professional society for the fall--that I've been reading. Thought we could talk about it after he also read it. Talked about the roof repair and how it went. I mentioned I've also been doing research--when I can't sleep--about forgiveness. I mentioned that many high powered medical schools (Harvard, UCBerkley, Johns Hopkins, Mayo Clinic) all have done studies on forgiveness and the benefits of forgiveness. Then he said what baffles me: he's terrified of coming home, even stopping by. I said I didn't understand because our home was created with love, a collaboration between us of love and what we like and love and things that make us and our boys happy and he just looked at me with tears in his eyes. I changed the subject because I truly don't know what he meant. It was a pleasant conversation for the rest of the lunch and then we headed home.

C and B bundled up the branches and dragged them to the curb. He and B loaded his trunk with the newspapers to recycle that are just too heavy for me to deal with and he said they'd take them to the grade school paper recycling bin two blocks away. When they came back, I thanked him. Then he put his arms around me and kissed me, got into his car and left. In fact, he kissed me six times during the four hours we were together. I don't lean in, or in any way gesture I want to be kissed and he kisses me. I won't mention it to him because I WANT him to continue to kiss me when I see him.

He is wearing his wedding ring. He kisses me, more than a few times every time I see him. He very much did *husband chores* for me yesterday. I am so confused. B told me when they went to recycle the newspapers, his Dad said he's not ready yet to go to concerts with me. B thinks that's hopeful because it seemed like he wanted to but wasn't ready.

I am so, so, SO WORRIED about him. He was near tears and seemed so conflicted.

This evening, I learned the youngest son of our next-door neighbor died a month ago. That family has been through tragedy with a capital *T*. The Dad was shot in the upper spine 9 years ago, was a paraplegic then passed away two years ago. The mom died last September and now the youngest son, a boy with many health issues, died when his kidney transplant failed. The oldest brother is very successful but is grief-stricken because his whole family is GONE. B is devastated (he babysat the boy) and we cried for quite a while after we learned about the death from their cousin cleaning out the house. I texted G and C because we all LOVED our neighbors. G is worried about the surviving brother and C texted he is really shook up. I almost didn't text C because he doesn't want me texting him for anything but business and I'm working the 180. But this is a person we've known since he was three years old, watched him grow and admired his strength over adversity. I think I made the right choice.